New Beginnings
From the end spring new beginnings.
~Pliny the Elder
"I've found a new school for you."
She said, pulling the toasts out of the oven.
"Uh huh."
I grunted as I continued looking at my cup, filled to the brim with darkness, my sole focus for the past few months. My cup of coffee was still steaming and was my source of warmth in the chilly September morning. The house had central heating, but the cup was closer.
"You'll like it a lot. It's even near a lake, with quite nice scenery around it. It's barely a stones throw away from the school."
She said, spreading butter on the toast.
"Sure."
I said, stirring my oatmeal.
"Honey. Look at me honey."
She says, holding my hands, trying to anyway.
I hold hers and look up at her face, see the wrinkles on her face, the bags beneath her eyes, betraying her faux smile. I know what she was going to say. It always come back to it. She knows. I know. Its a loop. A loop that we are doomed to repeat. Me glum, she, trying her best to convince me of my innocence.
"It's not your fault..."
She says, everything afterwards fades away, as I, once again, diagnose what I could've done, what I could said, that could have saved her life. In the end, it all comes back to the same conclusion, the only sane one at least, nothing.
"I know. I'm sorry."
I said, after I realize her drone has ended.
"I'll go. Okay?"
I continue, stroking the back of her hand, trying to soothe her.
It hasn't changed much, not much for the better at least.
"Why this school mom? Why now?"
I asked. I haven't seen the inside of school for ages... Daphne and I. We are, we were homeschooled. We didn't have to be part of the state run education system.
"Because... Because I don't what you to spend all day watching YouTube videos. All your fancy-schmancy pop music or dubstep or whatever you call it. I want you to get a good education, and you can't do that here... Where... Where everything will remind you of her."
She says, tears streaming down her face, her speech disturbed by the deep drawls of breath she has to take, talking while crying needs a lot of oxygen.
YouTube. My one friend during the lull in my life. So many great lets plays, so many talented people. Speaking of which, I saw one absolutely gorgeous girl the other day, I can't remember her name but her cover of "A Thousand Miles" could've put Vanessa Carlton to shame. It's sad to see how little amount of views and likes it got, and a handful of encouraging comments. It's not easy to play the piano and sing. My sis couldn't do it. Now, she can never do it. Damn.... I guess what Mom said was true... Too many memories.
"I'll go. For you."
I said, closing the door on the subject.
