No Such Thing As Broken

Chapter 3: who care

The next morning Susan felt like the dead. This was common for most mornings but this morning seemed particularly bad. Her alarm on her phone was blaring but she didn't have the energy to reach out from the warmth of the blankets and stop the most annoying sound in the world. "Susan!" Roz mumbled from her bed. Odd, normally she was gone my then, off to do who ever knows what. The girls didn't have any classes that morning but she often up and out the door before Susan's phone went off. "Do you want to go to class today?"

"No." her voice croaked. She didn't like talking in the morning, she could barely get the sound to come out of her throat at all. Rozene use to joke that she was mute before 10am, while that wasn't incorrect, Susan did wish the girl would be kinder about it.

"Then turn off your alarm!" anger, but a nice kind of anger. It wasn't directed at Susan but more at her alarm. She just wanted it to shut up so she could go back to bed.

There was a shuffling of fabric as Susan got herself untangled from her warmth. She had a very restless night that had resulted in cocooning her body in sheets. Almost like she had been mummified and thrown in a coffin. Trapped forever, left to her sleep. But still, Rozene was getting annoyed so she had to move. She turned all her alarms off for the rest of the day and went back to bed. She would have to remember to reset those later but right now she didn't care. She didn't care about anything at the moment.

The morning was calm, way to calm for the events that occurred the night before. Perhaps today as well since there was a chance of everything falling apart, again. Maybe God was giving her this so she could see there was still light in the world. Or maybe the world was mocking her, telling her that everything perfect was to be destroyed around her. But still, the air was sweet and pleasant from the rain the night before. But the rain was gone now, and with it all the clouds. All that was left in the sky was the sun. It reminded her of home in a way. And at the moment, she could not decide if that was a good or bad thing. It was where she came from, but was it where she belonged?

For Susan, where she grew up, did not feel like where she truly belonged. It was always quite strange for her, never fitting in was normal but also a little disconcerting. She preferred her father's house over her mother's for the simple fact that there was a large quantity of tree's in his neighborhood, so looking at the sky was truly looking at the tree's. But she did not live there, when she came, she was merely a guest. A wanted guest, but a guest nonetheless.

Does being wanted make it any better?

No, not really. If you were unwanted than you can make a scene, take a stand, have fun with it. But wanted? You must protect yourself so you do not become unwanted. No longer accepted. It was easier to never be accepted than to lose the acceptance that you had gotten used to. There was nothing worse than seeing those who once cared turn their backs.

Being hated by the unknown was fine, you could either do something with that or ignore them. But those once close to you hurt. Because you could see what was, but never could be.

Would they accept her? Her friends? They were all she had in the entire state, she was alone without them. Being alone was fine but she had gotten use to company and someone to sit next to.

Sitting alone sucked.

Unless she had a good book. Then it was the preferred way to sit. But Susan had just finished the last unread book on her shelf and it would be a while until she could get the money to get another. She had the ones on her phone but it wasn't the same as holding a physical copy. It didn't have the same feeling to it, it lacked the smell. She could always reread one, but she wasn't in the right mood for it. Or rather, she didn't have the right book for the mood she was in.