Love Is Complicated | Lams

Chapter 9

John's P.O.V.

I was so startled when I saw who I was leaning against this whole time. My heart started racing, my breath got uncontrollably fast and don't get me started on the heat that rushed to my head. I was so close to him and...he didn't seem to mind...what was this feeling? Why was I feeling so excited and anxious at the same time?

I tried speaking but all that came out of my mouth was weird blabbering.

"S-Sorry I didn't mean to lean against you I just fell asleep without realizing it I-", is all I was able to say.

Alex quickly cut me off by saying:

“It's totally fine really! I...didn't mind it at all…”

These words made my heart race more and more, I even felt dizzy for a brief moment. This feeling...it was so warm and exciting, while at the same time scaring me.

How can you feel like this over someone you met not that long ago? I don't want to feel like this...not yet...it feels so wrong, but I can't stop. It won't stop. Why am I attracted to him? I barely know him! I can't feel this way, I'm not allowed to feel this way, how is he doing this to me?

He smiled. Oh god...why Alexander? Why do have to make my senses dizzy everytime you do that? Your smile melts my heart, your words embrace it and gently put it back together, so it can grow into liking and wanting to be near you even more and more.

“So...how was breakfast?”, he suddenly asked.

I gulped, trying to forget about my feelings for the time being.

“I-It was good...”

He nodded and an awkward silence surrounded us. Suddenly I remembered the sandwich I bought for him.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I brought you something too...”

I started trying to fish the sandwich out of my bag.

“You didn't need to bring me anything really–”

“It's alright, I really wanted to and I still had two dollars left.”

Smiling I held it in my hand, offering him to take it. Alex looked at it hesitantly until I started waving it in front of his face, symbolizing he's supposed to take it.

“Just take it, it doesn't matter if you eat it now or if I throw it away eventually...”

“You wouldn't throw it away though.” He giggled. Gosh that giggle...

“...P-Probably not...still, please take it.”

He then took it, but not without sighing. I smiled at him until he did the same.
My heart started pounding faster again and I'm sure I blushed a little, which was why I immediatly turned my head away.

We spent the whole day just awkwardly sitting in our room, not saying a word. Alex was still typing on his computer and I read a chapter in my biology book for the next lesson. I didn't notice how dark it had become until I couldn't see what the text in my book said.

I stood up to switch on the light when I tripped over a pile of books lying next to my bed. I fell on the floor, trying to keep my face from hitting the ground by supporting my body with my arms and hands. I was a little shocked from the sudden fall.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

Alex put his laptop aside and stood up, switching on the light.
I sat up and sighed in relief.

“Y-Yeah I just tripped...”

He stood next to me, directly looking me in the face. I felt the familiar heat raising back to my head.
Suddenly he reached out his hand to me. I hesitated for a moment but then took it.

He pulled me up, but apperently I placed my right foot on one of those marine biology magazines I read every now and then, which resulted in me losing my balance again. Just when I was about to fall backwards again, Alex pulled me to him and I was pushed against his chest.