The One Nobody Else Wanted

6- Meeting My Doom

I stared at Toffee out of the car window. I didn't know him for long but he was still an amazing friend. This is it now. In 30 minutes, I'll be dead. What a wonderful thought. I have to think positively. I'm an old Guinea Pig 5 years now, it's not like death was unexpected.
Focus, be happy. Skittles was an amazing Guinea Pig who was a joy to be around, I wish I had a bit more time with him than what I had but never mind. Focus, be happy. I've lived in a great accommodation and been looked after amazingly my whole life so there's no reason to be happy. Focus, be happy. Toffee was a great friend who I could talk to about anything, he helped me through my darkest days. Focus, be happy. If I focus and be happy this perceived sad ending can be a happy one. Just because there's a death doesn't mean it had to be sad. Death is a part of life. It happens all the time. At some point there has to be an ending to everything so you just have to expect it. Pathetic Fallacy, when you use weather to describe emotions. Why why why must it always be raining at a funeral. Just because there's a death doesn't mean you have to back up the emotions with the saddest type of weather.
...
We're nearly here.
Before I die I just want to say I regret nothing and if I could go back in time to the change the past I wouldn't. Everything that has happened to me in my life is part of me growing as a person. The trials I endure, the losses I face and the hardships, I won't look back on them and weep. Plus if there's nothing after life then how can you regret anything- you're dead.
...
I never wanted to leave this world like this. Knowing that it's going to happen because then I can't enjoy my last moments. It's just a countdown. I keep staring at the SatNav. Watching the little car inch closer and closer to the flag indicating my death.
Do you know what?
I was always taught to make the most out of every situation.
Even... Death
...
Why does 10 minutes feel like 10 years?! My heart is racing now with the paranoia that I haven't achieved enough in my life and that there's so much I haven't done that I wanted to do.
...
This is the worst thing ever.
Think happy thoughts.
I can't.
I can't.
I can't!!
How about instead...
We sing a song... As death is 10 minutes away.

All I can think of is sad songs
All I can think of is sad thoughts
All I can remember is Skittles's death
All I can remember is how angry I was
All I can think of is how sad Toffee is
All I can think of is how sad Carlia is
All I can focus on is my death
All I can think about is the 10 minutes I have left in this world slowly ticking down

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick
Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick
Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

"Don't worry I'm sure you'll be fine but eventually everyone runs out of time"

We're here.
Carlia's in floods of tears.
I'm lifted out of the car and taken into the vet.
Carlia says goodbye to me one last time as I'm carried along into this weird looking room.
They have this huge needle with some strange liquid in it that they're going to put into me.
And then I'll be gone.
It only just realised the severity of the situation. I was thinking "Oh yeah, death it happens never mind idc tbh" and now I'm like- "Death! I will no longer exist in this universe! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"

How will I know when I'm dead?
I won't because I'll be dead.
Will it be painful?
I don't know.

Well it's certainly more painful to die of the horrific toxin from the mushrooms I had so I suppose this is the easy way out.

Here it comes.
And
In it goes.
I don't think I quite comprehended the true meaning of goodbye until this moment.
Goodbye means letting go
Goodbye means giving up
Goodbye means it's the end
Goodbye means the timer's run out
Goodbye is a one way door
Goodbye isn't easy
Goodbye isn't just a word
Goodbye...

Despite all this trauma that's racing through my head right now, I can still be calm, my life is seconds away from its end but at least I can proudly proclaim that I have had a good one.
To make it less harrowing lets just treat it like we've just had a fun time together and we're going home after a great day that we'll never forget!
"Alright, I'll see you later, goodbye!"

Goodbye

Goodbye...