Define Close [Nygmobblepot]

Ch13: Nothing Will Matter

Edward's POV

As much as I enjoyed waking up with Oswald in my arms, the guilt seems to be eating me alive for the rest of the day. I need to call everything off and face whatever wrath I'll get from Barbara and the others but what does it matter, really? Does it make things better? Does it give me a peace of mind? I've been lying to Oswald from the moment I pretended to meet him by accident, I've helped people who want to weaken him and eventually destroy him. Of course he has to know. And of course he won't ever forgive me.

I go to the bathroom and call Barbara while Oswald is still getting dressed.

She answers quickly, as expected. "Well, hello." She greets me and I take in a deep breath, I've made my decision.

"I want out." I tell her.

"What?"

"I'm done."

"Are you kidding?" She asks, starting to sound just as furious as I expected her to. "He already knows about us and now you wanna weasel out of it and leave us on our own?!"

"I'm sorry." I say, I guess on some level I am. I made a commitment I didn't carry all the way through but there's no way I will so I might as well let them know. "I'm out."

"I'm going to kill you, Nygma." She hisses. "We can still go through with this and your cooperation won't be needed."

"What are you going to do?" I ask her. "Use me against him anyway? Kidnap me for real? Stay away and I won't tell him where you're hiding."

"Don't you dare threaten us." She replies. "You chose the wrong side and that means you will go down as well. I should've known you're a coward."

"Like I said, stay away and you might live." I tell her before hanging up the call. I close my eyes briefly and sigh.

"It seems like it's gonna rain soon." Oswald says as we step out of my apartment building and I look up at the sky that's starting to fill with grey clouds.

"Seems like it." I agree. And it's gonna rain hard.

"Well, hopefully we'll make it inside in time." He replies and I nod. "Are you alright?"

I turn to look at him and force a smile on my face. "Yes, perfectly fine." I tell him and he smiles as well. Yes, I'm going to tell him but no, it doesn't mean I'm gonna do it on a very public street. "I just hope I'm not irritating your leg with all this walking." I say then since we decided to walk back to the manor.

"It's perfectly fine as well, Ed. Stop worrying." He says but with that affectionate smile that I don't deserve. "I have a cane for a reason."

"Good." I just say and reach for his hand, holding it tightly in mine as we walk down the street. "But we can always call for a driver too." I point out, mostly because I really need to get everything off my chest. Since when have I cared so much? Since when has my conscience beaten me up this bad for doing something wrong? I've hurt people before, I've killed people. What is it about Oswald that makes me feel like I'd rather get hurt myself than hurt him? I'd never want to hurt him but apparently I can't even lie to him.

"It's fine, it's not that long way." He replies to my suggestion.

"But the weather does look a bit threatening." I point out.