Name: lyrical_love22 ( http://www.wattpad.com/user/lyrical_love22 )
Story: Babysitting
Story Length: 14 chapter and one epilogue
Genre: Fanfiction/Short story
Description: When Allie returns to Stark Tower, she finds a surprise waiting for her.
Review:
Grammar: You have great grammar. There are a couple spots were you used the same verb twice, in close proximity; Chapter 4, ""Whatever." I clipped............ It clipped him sharply in the ear..." It was just a minor thing. Overall, you had a great variety of words and sentence structure. There was no awkward sentence structure at all, which can be hard to overcome.
10/10
Plot Line: It's a good idea. It's just that I don't find it building anywhere. I did only read five chapters, but nothing much was happening. A lot of eating and sleeping and that sort of thing. There was a situation where Bruce Banner (Hulk) came in, to eat breakfast with Allie. He does warn her about Loki, and I like that. However I wish maybe he had also said something about returning Loki, or something of that nature. That would have added some more conflict to the story.
8/10
Character Development: This is a bit more of a unique criticism, because I know you personally. I find Allie to be very much like you. She says a lot of the same things, same motions, same attitude. It is good that you can create an accurate image of yourself on the page. However, I felt like I was meeting you again. I would love to see what kind of characters you can create for everyone to meet. Loki is wonderful.
8.5/10
Story Flow: This story is wonderful in terms of flow! I had no problems following it, there were no abrupt changes! Thank you so much for awesome story flow!
10/10
Overall Affect: This is meant to be a cute short story, and that is exactly what it accomplishes. It's fun to read something without a ton of drama and little strange bits left over. However, I'm still docking you a half point for the character development.
9.5/10
Guys! Please go read Babysitting by @lyrical_love22
YOU ARE READING
Book Reviews
Non-FictionI have just started doing book reviews, so if you have any advice at all, please feel free to tell me. I will also take requests, but please fill out this form. Name: Story: Story Length: Genre: Description: I will review on grammar, plot line, c...
