Graduation comes faster than they ever dreamed. Ed didn’t think they would ever really grow up. They would just stay young and naïve for forever, making pictures out of clouds and strumming guitars on bedroom floors after school. That’s far from the case in that moment though. Taylor has never made Ed more nervous than he is then. She had come to him just days before graduation day with the idea. She told him she didn’t want to go to college a virgin and that they should make a pact to be each other’s first. Ed wasn’t exactly keen on being a virgin in college either but he nearly chokes on air when Taylor brings it up. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine Taylor would ask him to sleep with her. When he asks why him, she simply says “because, I trust you.”
So the night after the big day, Ed lays her down on her queen sized bed. His hands shake the entire time he undresses her and he quivers every time her lips meet his skin. Taylor doesn’t look nervous. She seems so…sure; maybe even excited. Her blue eyes shine brighter than the stars, and when they close tightly at the new feeling, Ed kisses her eyelids. He goes slow, being careful with her and savoring every moment. Even if he isn’t certain about what he’s doing, he thinks it’s great and Taylor doesn’t ever disagree. That night he gets to hold her in his arms afterwards, playing with the golden curls he used to tug on to tease her in the third grade. He tells her that he loves her, and she even says it back. Ed doesn’t know what it means, but hopes it’s the start of something new. How could it not be?
The next day she leaves to travel Europe before starting school in the fall. She kisses him goodbye, and promises to write him while she’s away. He hears nothing all summer. She doesn’t write, email, text, or return his calls over the long months that they used to spend running around backyards together. The days seem so much longer while she’s away. The night they had spent together had only fed his love, made it swell in his chest. He wrote so many love songs in those silent weeks. He replaced Taylor with his guitar, focusing on his passion for music instead of his seemingly lost friendship with the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Sometimes though, the two things seemed to run together.
She shows up at his doorstep while he’s packing his stuff for college since he is leaving in the morning. She’s more gorgeous than he ever remembered. It looks like she grew another inch, and her curves are filled out just a fraction more. Her skin is bronzed by the European sun. Blue eyes filled with promising tears and in her hands are a bunch of crinkled envelopes. “I wrote you almost every day…I just couldn’t bring myself to send them.”
He stays up all night reading every single letter; blood draining from his already pale face and tears soaking into his cheeks. She loves him, but she loves their friendship more. For the first time Taylor is faced with a risk she just can’t bear to take. It shatters Ed’s heart into a million pieces. In all their years together, it’s the cruelest thing she’s ever done. He goes to her though, because having her in his life as something is better than nothing at all.
