Painting With Colors of Love 「Inazuma Eleven」

Pink 「Immature」- Ambivalent Love

A/N: This is a story that was originally published in Christmas 2012. Based on something that happened in my real life, I went and ranted my feelings into a story. Sadly, sad stories are not my forte, even though I enjoy drama.

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Happy? x Sad?
Ah, why must all of this happen?

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Aki glanced at Ichinose with a sad look and sighed. How had she ended up in this kind of situation? Why was she feeling so uncomfortable and bad inside? The brown-haired boy kept laughing happily while she was staring at him, capturing his every expression.

It was almost Christmas and the gang had decided to gather together. Endou had called almost everyone to invite them, and now they were at the school that Natsumi had opened for them. Everyone was having fun, laughing together and playing different kinds of games... Everyone except for Aki.

Why am I feeling this way?

Aki closed her eyes, trying her best to keep tears from flowing out of them. She once again glanced at the brown-haired boy who was laughing non-stop while speaking with Endou and the others. Her chest hurt just by looking at the boy. It was like she was losing to everyone, as if she wasn't important to him.

Ichinose, he always acted so kindly towards her when she was together with him and Domon, just the three of them. He was always talking to her and paying attention towards her, but whenever they were with the soccer club she became like thin air to him. He answered her questions and maybe sometimes spoke to her, but otherwise he kept talking with the others, as if it didn't matter whether she was there or not.

Staring at the person she loved, wanting his arms to warm her cold ones, wanting to kiss those laughing lips of his or just to sit next to him and feel his warmth, Aki was at the point of breaking down.

Just a moment ago she had been really happy that they had gathered together and that she was able to see him, but it hurt to finally realize that she was completely nothing to him. Well, maybe just a good friend, but nothing more than that.

... Nothing More Than That ...

Laughing at a stupid joke, Aki did her best to act like she was okay. She didn't want anyone to worry about her, knowing that this year had been hard on everyone. Keeping all of her feelings inside of her, Aki kept gazing at the boy she loved. Ichinose had a light smile on his face.

"And then he..." The boy was just explaining something to Endou. Aki noticed that Ichinose was glancing at her from time to time, but every time their eyes met, he quickly avoided her glance. Getting defeated by Endou, Aki didn't like it. But she couldn't say it aloud either.

She didn't want to act selfish, she just wanted some attention. Just some kind of sign that the boy she had liked for so long liked her back. A sign that their feelings were mutual. They didn't have to start dating right away, she just needed the insurance that he felt the same way about her.

But she couldn't confess to him... The fear of getting rejected and having her heart broken, and moreover - breaking off their friendship would be too much for her. She couldn't stand not being able to speak freely with Ichinose.

Aki knew very well that at the moment she couldn't win against Endou and the other boys. At the very moment, they and soccer were more important to Ichinose than girls and dating. And Aki didn't blame the boy for it. She knew very well that boys should be free and act the way they want for as long as they want.

But her patience was slowly and surely reaching its limit. The more she waited, the more her feelings grew for the boy, and the more it would hurt to let go of him. It would hurt too much. She didn't want to rush the boy but she couldn't wait much longer either. Aki hated when her feelings were so ambivalent.

I just have to bear with it.

Having experienced so many things that year, Aki couldn't believe that she even had to cut her hair because of a stupid promise. She had asked Ichinose to take her to a soccer match and he had promised, but he ended up having other plans on the day of the match.

So the trip was canceled once and ended up being cancelled two times after that. The second time Aki wasn't able to come and on the third time it was raining so hard that Ichinose thought it would've been better if they didn't go to watch the match. After the third failed trip, Aki had finally understood that it would be impossible for them to go anymore.

Having made a promise that if the trip were to fail, she would cut her hair, Aki ended up fulfilling her promise. The boy probably hadn't even noticed it... Or at least he hadn't mentioned anything about it. Aki closed her eyes while sighing. She remembered how long she had cried when she had found out that the trip wouldn't be a success. She had bet everything on it, so it really hurt to know that they weren't able to go see a match.

Ichinose had told her that maybe they could go next year, but Aki didn't like it. After all, next year it wouldn't be the same thing anymore...

Nothing remained the same.

The clock was ticking and Aki noticed that it was already getting late. She stood up and went to get her coat and scarf, wrapping it around her neck, "Ah, are you leaving already?" The girl heard Touko asking. Aki turned to look at Ichinose, who was laughing, not even paying attention that she was about to leave.

"Yeah, we have guests coming today so I need to be with them," Aki explained shortly and Touko nodded to her as an answer.

Ichinose stopped for a while and glanced at the clock. After that he turned to look at Aki who was about to leave and finally at Endou. "Maybe we should go?" He questioned and Aki felt her heart skipping a beat.

A light smile appeared on her face as she felt happy that the boy too wanted to leave. Maybe if they left at the same time then they could go home together. Aki waited for the boy for a while outside, hoping that he would come soon... but he never did. Aki assumed that Endou didn't want to leave yet, so Ichinose decided to stay with him.

A deep sigh escaped from Aki's lips as she dried her wet eyes while strolling home. Of course, it was obvious to her that he would place Endou before her, but it didn't have to come in such a straightforward way and hit her right in the face. She knew that she was nothing to him, well probably closer than just a normal girl, but nothing more.

Aki finally arrived home and she opened the front door, entering the empty house. She had lied to everyone about the guests as she had just wanted to escape from the place. Staying there for any longer would just make everything worse.

The girl walked to her room and fell on her bed. With the bittersweet feeling of being happy to see Ichinose, but being broken hearted by his actions, Aki covered her eyes with her hand and let teardrops fall down her cheeks.

Maybe next year will be a better one...

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