The Love that Failed

Intro

      Living  in Jamaica is wonderful. I have an opportunity to start over with a new life, new school, and a new place to call home. My family and I moved here a few years ago, after my father left. That was a tough time for everyone, but mainly me. It's upsetting, because the things a dad is suppose to teach you, such as in relationships, I will never get that. The thought of him giving the love and support I need, as his daughter, to the family and children he left us for, really breaks my heart. I desire that love from a man, the love my father was suppose to mend my broken heart with. But as it seems to me, that's not going to happen.

      It's crazy my father left, because in my eyes everything was working out so good. But I guess everything is not what they seem. I hate to see my mom struggle. Every since he left we've been having a rough time. With bills and different payments piling  up, there was no way we going to be able to continue living the lavish life we were use to, in America. Therefore, we moved back home to Jamaica with my grandparents. I didn't mind actually, mainly because I really missed my home and my family. 

      My dad was extremely wrong for what he did, and I think about it all the time. I find myself wondering, "If my dad never left, how would things be?" I think if he hadn't left then maybe I wouldn't have dated so many assholes. I probably would've been with a good guy by now, who really loves who I am, and loves me for me. But in this day and age, I guess that's too much to ask for. 

      It's almost funny, because for so long I've seen friends with their happy relationship, and I was always alone feeling sorry for myself wondering, "Why couldn't that be me?" "Why can't I live happily ever after with someone who really loves me?" And I don't mean fake love, I mean real genuine love. But I guess it only happens for some.

      I've realized that I'm at a point in my life, I can finally say "I'm ok with being single." With dealing with so many assholes and ass wipes, I realized I would be happy with a house full of cats, then to be with someone who really doesn't love me, is cheating on me, or using me. As of now I guess you'd say I'm satisfied with life. Or maybe not, because truth be told everyone needs someone.