Hate myself | Bts Suga

Chapter 4

Calculas had ended and I was heading to the library. I just wanted today to end but next class was spanish. An idea came to my mind. Why not get away? Mom wouldn't mind. Go for it. My inner me was talking again. What If I did do it? It is pretty simple to just walk out and I already know this stuff. It's not like I'm learning new things. I grabbed my things and snuck out the back. I decided to walk to a park. I sat down on a bench and just watched the scenery. It seemed so pretty. It was so calm. I wish my life would be this calm. No sadness, No bullying, No hitting, A permanent home, and a loving family. I felt a tear on my cheek.  I became sad. The thought that I would NEVER have this filled my head. Why am I so worthless? I can never stand up for myself. I can't stand up to my mom. I can't stand up to Minji. I'm so worthless. I really hate myself. I wiped my face from a couple of tears. I decided to walk around the park. There was a pond. It had ducks in it. It seemed so peaceful. My thoughts were interrupted when my stomach growled. I was so hungry. I didn't have money. The food I got was mostly what I cooked at home and the school food. Maybe it's time I get a job. I kept thinking alone. Just starring off into space. I checked the time to find out school had ended already. I started making my way home.

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I entered the door and shouted "hello". I received no answer. Guess mom wasn't home. I went to the kitchen to start preparing my meal when I heard taps on the floor. Sunshine and cuddles came rushing towards me. I patted both of their heads and put food in their bowls. I missed them. I made myself bibimbap as a meal. It was really tasty. I washed my dish and sat down on a chair. Since I was full maybe I should walk Cuddles and Sunshine for a bit. I grabbed their leashes and gathered my essentials. Incase these two did the deed. We walked around the neighborhood  for a bit. My thoughts wandering off. I wonder if bts looked for me? Haha don't be ridiculous. No one wants to look for you. No one wants to be near you.  Once again that inner voice popped out.

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*An hour later*

I finished walking the dogs and went to my room. Only now to realize a note on my door. Guess I didn't see it earlier. It read

"I'll be gone a month for a business trip. Lock all the doors and keep the House clean. Make sure those mutts don't destroy anything."

I felt happiness rise. That witch is gone for a month. At least I can have THAT. I sat on my bed looking at my ceiling. I should get a job. I'll try looking for some tomorrow. Sunshine and Cuddles came into my room and made themselves snug. I yawned. I changed into my pajamas and tucked myself in bed. I REALLY don't want to go to school tomorrow. I closed my eyes and fell fast asleep.

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*Morning*

I woke up to my alarm clock. The dogs also got up with me. I did my regular routine and was ready. I headed downstairs to make myself a sandwich. I filled the dog bowls with food and water. Of course they came rushing in when they heard the food. I checked the time and it was still early. I grabbed my things and said goodbye to Sunshine and Cuddles. Today I was really early so I went to the roof top. I sat down and took my sketch book out. I had left my book back at home and I didn't want to go downstairs. I thought of the scenery from the park yesterday. I started drawing and little by little I could see it start resembling the park. I checked the time and debated if I should stay on the roof top. Ultimately I decided to go to homeroom. I could continue my sketch there. I put my things away and speed walked through the the halls finally making it to my homeroom. I was still pretty early so I took my seat in the back. I continued my sketch and ignored anything surrounding me. I was lost in my drawing until I noticed sun was being blocked. I looked up. It was Suga.

"Uhhh-uh-um ex-excuse me. Light. Drawing. See. Not" I mumbled quickly. It wasn't very loud either. He stared at me and at my drawing. His eyes cold and dark. I can see why girls would be afraid. Man this guy is uglyy. He should smile more; like Taehyung.

"Where were you yesterday" he said in a firm voice. Wow sir you're not my dad

"Why...do you ask.." I said

"I wanted to talk to you about the bullying situation. Is Oh Minji really bothering you?"

"It was uh...it was only once but as long as I'm away from you boys I'll be fine" I said very quietly but I'm sure he heard me. His expression had become a frown.

"Why do you like being pushed over?" I don't.

"Why can't you stand up for yourself?" I can.

"Stop acting like an idiot. Stand up for yourself" Said Suga

I was about to open my mouth when my consciousness blacked out. It's like part of me was asleep and another part was talking. Almost like if there were two people in me.
"Whatever I do is my choice. You want me to stand up to someone? Fine. Min Yoongi, get out of my face. I don't want you or your friends near me. At best if it's anyone's fault for the bullying it's cause of you guys. Where I go doesn't concern you either. We're not friends or acquaintances. Back off. Leave me alone" I walked out of the class. It was like my inner voice had took control. My words I couldn't control them. My body is acting on it's own. I didn't want to say that. I'm so sorry Yoongi.

"Oh shut up"

"How- what?  you're just thoughts how-"

"Im you. The better you. Except me. Let me take over. You saw what happend. I can stand up for you. You're nothing and I am what can be."

"The words you said were so harsh"

"Who cares. No one calls me an idiot. Let me take over. You won't hurt anymore. I can protect you. I can protect us and everyone."

My mind was fighting itself. It was like another version of me. A strong me. For some reason this part of "me" felt like it can protect me. But everyone?

"Will-will you hurt anyone?.."

"I just want what's best for all of us."

"Okay" I let myself be took over. My consciousness completely blacked out.

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Authors note

I lost my password so I can't revise on my computer and check for grammatical errors so if you catch some, My bad.