Beautiful Monster [BookOne]

Seventeen

Chapter seventeen - Sydney

" what a tangled web we weave when at first we plan to deceive"

These past couple of weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. But, somehow, they have been the best weeks of my life. Why? Because up until now, my whole life had been a lie. Everything- every word, every tear, every laugh-all based upon lies. I don't even know who I am anymore. But, it seems, everyone else knows who I am-or what they want me to be.

Through out all of these messes and catastrophes, there is one thing that I am absolutely, positively certain of-- I'm in love with Harry--I don't want to be, but these feelings, they won't go away. I have tried so hard to stop them, but it seems the harder I try, the harder I fall.

Sometimes, when i'm alone, I think about my Dad. One day he was there and the next he was gone. My mother never told me what happened to him and after a while I stopped asking. Because knowing what happened won't change anything. He's still gone and he's never coming back.

Other times I think about my mother. She was always there when i needed her. When dad passed she was torn apart, as was I, but now. I don't even know who she is anymore. I don't think I can ever find it in me to forgive her, even if she is my mother.

"Sydney?" I looked up and noticed tears were slipping down my cheeks. I chuckled and wiped them away with my fingertips.

"I'm fine, Zayn" I lied pulling down the sleeves on my jumper.

"You don't look fine" he said, kneeling in front of me while I cross my legs on the couch.

"Why do you care?" I questioned "you don't even know me" I pointed out, looking into his mocha coloured eyes.

"I know a lot actually" I narrowed my eyes "we all know too much about you thanks to Harry" he rolled my eyes and I chuckled.

"So, you know about--everything" he nodded and stood up, his black boots slapped against the wooden floor boards.

"Why are you crying?" he questioned, looking down at me.

"I'm not" I lied.

"I'm not an idiot, talk to me" he sat beside me and I told him how I felt about My mother and dad and everything that's happened in the last few weeks. He comforted me and understood. I felt like he actually cared, even if he doesn't know me personally. He was still willing to listen to me.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he bit his bottom lip as I nodded my head.

"I like to paint" I widened my eyes and smiled.

"Really? Can I see some of your paintings?" he seemed to be considering it before he finally shook his head.

"Maybe later" I nodded and looked up at him.

"I miss my old life" I admitted sheepishly "Even it it was all based upon lies" Zayn stayed quiet for a moment, as if he was thinking over his words before saying them aloud.

"I miss my old life, too" I narrowed my eyes for a moment before asking him why. His response wasn't what I was expecting. Zayn had some other life before this one? It made no sense to me.

"Before this life, I had a family, siblings, my mum and dad...Annabelle" at the mention of the girls name Zayn fell silent as he squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to escape this nightmare.

"Annabelle?" I questioned, pulling at the tips of my long wavy hair.

"She was my girlfriend" I stared at Zayns face-it was twisted in pain as he spoke of Annabelle. It was hard for him to speak of her, I could see it when he looked at me with glassy eyes.

"What happened?" I scanned over his features and played with my hair as he began speaking again.

"Anna meant everything to me, I would have given her the world if I could" Tears became evident in his mocha coloured eyes as he spoke the words softly "She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life" he continued "I loved her like I had never loved anyone" he held his hands over his face as soft whimpers escaped his lips. I didn't know what to do. I had spoken to Zayn on a few occasions but never like this- I didn't think he was capable of tears...pain.

"I'm sorry" I muttered lowly, taking his hands in mine as I looked into his eyes. Wetness covered his cheeks as he looked down at our hands.

"I miss her so much, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye" he whispered the last part and I felt a lump growing in my throat-I never got to say goodbye to my dad before he died.

"Look at me" my voice was cracked and my lips were trembling as he looked up and I saw the pain flashing through his eyes. I had never seen so much hurt in one person. Had he kept all this bottled up inside? Does anyone know about Annabelle?

"I know what it's like to lose someone you loved with all your heart" I told him "and I know it's hard not being able to say goodbye" I continued, holding his chin up when he looked down "but you have to let it go, if not for yourself but for them" he nodded his head and sucked in a sharp, shaky breath.

"She was so innocent and it was my fault" he cried "I'm the reason she is dead!" he shouted, standing on his feet "she is dead because of me!" his voice was now full of anger and disgust. I didn't know what to do. No one else was home I was truly terrified.

"You didn't kill her Zayn!" I shouted, standing in front of his great height "You can't anger yourself like this, you're making it harder than it has to be" I told him in a much calmer voice. He seemed to calm down and I was surprised when he wrapped his arms around me. I hesitated but mirrored his actions as he nuzzled his head into my neck.

"Thank you" I nodded my head "Harry's so lucky to have finally found you after all his time of searching" I froze at his words. Harry killed those woman to find me. I knew that. But hearing it from someone else repulsed me.

"He won't hurt you, Syd" I nodded my head.

"I know that" I lied, I didn't know what Harry was capable of. He is a murderer....the worlds most wanted murderer. He only knows what he is capable of.