Beautiful Monster [BookOne]

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Four -

I cannot count how many days have passed while I sat in an endless silence staring at the same white walls. Sleep is not an option anymore. Mother would bring up trays off food everyday but I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. The smell alone was enough to disgust me.

Some days I sit and wait. I never know what I am waiting for but I feel like there is something coming.... something I should wait for but of course nothing ever comes.

I am well aware of the problem. The problem is Harry. He had been the problem ever since the day he wrote me that stupid note and forced me to wear his necklace. I ran my fingertips over the cross pendant that, despite everything, still hangs around my my neck. But now, as crazy and idiotic as it seems, the problem is not that Harry won't leave but that he has left.

I know this makes no sense but the day I told him to leave was the day I watched my whole life being torn apart and left in shards in front of my face. My world has not yet been rebuilt because the only person that has the power to rebuild it is gone.

A small part of me wishes I could just go back and not tell Harry to leave. I want to be able to forgive him for his mistakes. After all, they are only mistakes. But a huge part of me knows it is almost impossible to forgive such mistakes. But after everything I have been through with Harry I should be able to forgive him. He forgave me for leaving and forgetting about him this whole time. He came back. Should I do the same? Harry had forgiven me for leaving, he had forgiven me for forgetting but can I forgive him for murder? Can I forgive him for almost getting me killed? These questions just become more and more unanswerable every time I ask them.

My bedroom door was pushed open by a greater force than needed. My mother, dressed in her usual attire-suit and tights with her hair in a secure bun, stood in place of the wooden door.

"Sydney" She smiled. Her bright eyes almost devilish as they shone even in this darkness. I did not pay attention to mother, instead I continued to stare at the walls of my box bedroom. Her heels clicked against the wooden planks outside my bedroom door as I could see, out of the corner of my eye, she was hauling a basket of washing in her arms. She settled it on the floor and entered my bedroom- her heels now soundless against the carpeted flooring. I didn't respond to her presence as she stood at the foot of my bed.

"You've not eaten your lunch again" She gave me a stern look as her eyes pulled away from the tray of food still full on the bedside table. I didn't answer her. Mother huffed before clamping her pale hands over the edge of my bed- her knuckles becoming shades lighter than usual. I blinked once and moved my gaze to the ceiling.

"You can't go on like this" Mothers voice was harsh and cold but I didn't care. I had nothing to say to her. A loud sigh tumbled from her lips as her cheeks puffed out.

"This is not right" She said "You shouldn't be sat in here in the dark moping around over some boy, honestly Sydney" She spat "Get over yourself, he doesn't care I can tell you that. And neither should you" Her tone was so straight forward and I couldn't believe this was my life now. My own mother, doesn't even care anymore. It's depressing really. The thought of having no one to talk to, no one to confine in, no one to care about me. Everything a mother should be and everything my mother is not.

Another huff sounded before mother ran her wrinkled hands over her grey knee length skirt and turned on her heel- heading for the door. I shook my head in pure disbelief. This is my life now.

"I'm hurting" As the words left my mouth my bottom lip began to tremble and mother stopped in her tracks. I turned my head in her direction and my eye sight became blurrier by the increasing second.

"You're hurting is for nothing" I blinked a few times and shook my head.

"I love him" I told her, wanting to make her feel something- hoping I would once again find my mum. But I didn't.

"Don't be so idiotic" She laughed "You don't know what love is, how could you possibly love a boy that almost had you killed?"

"Almost" I pointed out "But he didn't"

"He could have!" She was now turned in my direction with her inhumanly cold eyes.

"But he didn't"

"Listen to yourself for gods sake" She half laughed "He doesn't love you and he never will and it's about time you realised it"

"If he didn't love me then why did he come back? Why did he kill all those woman just to get to me? Why did he give me this necklace? Why did he try to protect me from you? Why did he cry when he thought he was going to lose me?" I questioned, tears now flowing freely.

"Because he loves me" I answered before she could.

"He loves me, just because you never had real love doesn't mean that it doesn't exist" I spat.

"I had love once"

"And look how that ended" I pointed out.

"You're fathers death was absolutely nothing to do with my love for him! He was killed! He was taken from us! He was ripped from our hands and do you want to know how?" I didn't answer. I didn't want to know how. I knew his death was not of an illness nor natural causes even though my mother claimed it was. And now more lies have been uncovered.

"Lies after lies after lies!" I shouted.

"You just can't help yourself can you?" I shook my head slightly and laughed in complete disbelief.

"I don't have time for this" I narrowed my eyes at my mother and brought my hands up to the roots of my messed up hair.

"You don't have time?" I questioned "I am your daughter! All I want is for you to care, I want you to tell me that I will find a way, I want you to love me the way you used to and I want you to understand! I want my mum back" My voice was barely above a whisper now and I was surprised mother even heard me.

"We can't have everything we want in life" Was mothers last words before her disappearance through the wooden door as she left it slightly open- revealing a thin strip of light that stretched across my small, darkened bedroom.

A small, single tear left the corner of my eye and rolled down my pink tinted cheeks. I wiped it away with the pad of my index finger and let out a shaky breath. I thought that maybe if I told her how I felt then I would be able to have my mum back. But I guess she's right- you can't always get want you want.

I want my mum back.

I want Harry back.

I want my life back.

But I guess some people just weren't meant for happily ever afters.