Differences | Demi Lovato

9

Demi

"Wake up!"

I opened my eyes into the darkness of the room and blinked a few times, sitting up once I saw Wilmer over me. I reached over to turn the light on and whipped back around to look at him, forgetting about the boundaries for a moment as I grabbed his hand in mine.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"You were screaming." He shook his head slowly. "You were yelling for me."

I rubbed my eyes and shook my head. "Probably just a nightmare, I don't remember it."

"Does that happen often?"

I bit my lip and shrugged. "Only..." He raised his eyebrows for me to continue, so I finished in a rush. "Only when I don't sleep in the bed as... you."

Wilmer swallowed hard and looked down and away. "What do you usually dream about?"

"It varies." I murmured, and realized I was still holding his hand. "Sometimes it's about you dying... Or you leaving. It's all the same at the end though, I end up alone."

"And this happens no matter what? Even if you know I'm in the house."

"Sometimes having you in the house makes it worse. If we're not sleeping in the same bed and you're here, it means we're fighting. Those are the dreams where you leave, they're always worse."

He tilted his head and sighed. "If I slept in here would they stop?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I murmured, running my thumb over the back of his hand. "I'm fine, really."

"I'm afraid I've been a bit selfish." Wilmer said. "I haven't been thinking about how all of this is affecting you." His eyes flickered up to meet mine. "You lost your husband, or well, your husband lost his mind. This is hurting you more than me, I can't even remember how this is affecting me."

"No you're not being selfish, not at all. You've been going through something that I couldn't ever imagine. You're still here, and sooner or later you're going to be you again. I don't care how long it takes. When I married you I promised to love you through the good and the bad, and I'm keeping that promise."

He smiled softly and raised one eyebrow. "Considering you're offering me a lifetime of love and support even if I never remember why, I think the least I could do is sleep in the same bed as you. And maybe... if you're not tired we could watch one more of those videos?"

I nodded and reached for my laptop. I flipped it open and clicked on the folder with all of our videos, then clicked on one. The screen flipped to the video player, and I bit my lip when I saw it was me in my wedding dress. Obviously I didn't know the person was filming me, as I stared down at my fingers, nervously twisting them as the time for my to walk down the isle got closer and closer. The video switched to a long-shot of Wilmer, looking handsome in his tuxedo.

"Hey Wilmer, anything you wanna say to the camera?" I watched with my jaw clenched as Wilmer smiled softly into the camera.

"Hola Demi, I know you're freaking out right now, but it's okay. I'll be waiting for you at the alter, and I'm ready to spend the rest of forever with you."

The video ended and Wilmer rubbed his hand across his face. "I don't remember anything, I can't fucking remember."

"It's okay." I reached for his hand again slowly; he was like a deer in a headlights, if I moved too fast he'd run. I slipped my fingers through his and put my other hand on top of them. "You'll remember soon."

Wilmer swallowed hard and looked down at our hands. "I... I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to act around you."

"You don't have to act any certain way." I wanted to desperately to flatten the line that formed between his furrowed eyebrows like I usually did when he got stressed out. "I'm not going to pressure you to do anything, or be anything. Just be you."

"I don't even know who I am." He shook his head and rubbed his face. "It's just so confusing, just the way my body reacts being around you. That's why I shut down at the hospital. I see you... and my heart starts to race. I can feel that I love you, but the thoughts aren't coming together to tell me why." Wilmer looked down and away. "When you touch me it's like an electric shock... that's why it freaked me out so much." I bit my lip and loosened my hold on his hand but he gripped mine tighter. "I didn't say it was unpleasant."

"Just tell me what you need me to do." I murmured, looking up into his eyes. "Tell me what you need from me."

"I don't know what I need. I don't know anything." Wilmer leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know anything."

"You know one thing." I squeezed his hand in mine. "Know that I love you more than anything in the world... You're not in this alone, and I'm going to be here whether you want me here or not until you get your memory back."

"Thank you, Demi. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I smiled and shook my head. "Believe it or not, you've said those words more than a few times in our relationship."

"Oh I believe it." He laughed. "I've probably messed up my fair share of times in our relationship."

I swallowed hard and smiled. "Nothing we couldn't handle... Do you want to watch one more video?"

Wilmer nodded and I clicked the next one, then blushed furiously as the sight of me in a racy piece of black lace lingerie, a slow sexy song playing in the background as I swung my hips to each side. On-screen Wilmer sat in a chair behind me, his white dress shirt unbuttoned, revealing his muscled abdomen as his eyes stayed glued to my body.

"We don't have to watch this one." I said quickly, trying to ex-out of the video, unfortunately it froze from me clicking so much, and the video kept playing. In the video I strut over to Wilmer, running my hands down his body as I straddled his waist. My mouth opened and I began to belt out with the lyrics, letting my hips roll against his as his hands wandered over my waist and ass.

Finally, I was able to click out, and we sat in silence for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry about that." I managed to get out, flushing bright red. "That was... we made that when I was going on tour and... We wouldn't be seeing each other for a while."

Wilmer nodded his head, his eyes not meeting mine. "I'm sure I loved it."

"Oh you did." I smiled, raising one eyebrow. "That was a fun night." He swallowed hard and I saw the muscles in his neck flex. "I'm sorry I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No you're not at all... It's just..." His eyes dipped down and I followed his gaze, my breath catching when I saw the clear bulge in his pants. "It's just that video..."

"At least that part of your brain still works." I joked, trying to lighten the mood. "It's okay, Wilmer, really. It's not like it's the first time this has happened."

"Right." He laughed, clearly wanting this conversation to end.

I clicked on the next video to change the subject, and smiled when I saw the screen. It was a compilation of Wilmer and I's trip to Cancun, short snapchat videos of us floating in the water and laying on the beach together passed on the screen and I once again felt myself getting emotional, a small tear running down my cheek.

"What's wrong?"

I looked at Wilmer who's eyes were trained on my face. "Nothing... It's just tough to watch these, when there's the possibility you won't ever remember."

He nodded and to my surprise, his hand let go of mine to reach for me, pulling me into him so he could hug me. I closed my eyes and hugged him back, letting more tears leak out of my eyes as he gently rubbed my back.

"I'm not going to stop trying to remember." He whispered, almost like a vow. "I want to remember you... I want to feel like we do in those videos again."

"We still can." I pulled away and put on a teary-smile. "Even if you never remember... I love you, and one day maybe you'll fall in love with me again."

He smiled softly, his hand coming up my cheek. "Yeah... maybe one day."

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-Rachel