Differences | Demi Lovato

4

Demi

I woke up the next morning draped across Wilmer's bare chest. Again, the sense of both relief and fear flooded my body. Wilmer was back, but he could be dead in less than six months. If they couldn't get it out, I didn't know what would become of me. All I wanted to do was go back to how it was before, when everything was okay and I could picture Wilmer and I growing old together. Last night, he told me he wanted everything to be as normal as possible, that he didn't want this to plague our time together if it was the last few months we would have. So, I was pretending it was going to be okay, but on the inside I was terrified.

I felt Wilmer wake up underneath me, and after a moment his hand began to trail up and down my back, tracing imaginary patterns on my skin.

"Morning." I mumbled, not moving at all.

"Good morning." He chuckled. "Sleep well?"

I sighed and pushed myself up on my elbow, leaning over to kiss him gently. "Better than last night... but I'm still terrified."

"I know." He leaned his forehead against mine. "Me too."

I put my hand on his cheek and shook my head. "You should've told me. I could've spent the last six weeks loving you instead of trying to act like I didn't care you were divorcing me."

"Now you're stuck with me."

I smiled and kissed him slowly, letting our mouths move together in sync. Wilmer's hand dropped to my thigh and hooked my knees over his waist, but I laughed before pulling away.

"It's almost seven, Mia's gonna be awake any minute."

"So?" He began to kiss down my neck. "We'll be quick and quiet."

"She comes in here when she wakes up." I said, but leaned back so he could have better access. "That would be kind of traumatizing."

"You should put a shirt on then." His hand moved up my stomach. "Not that I'm complaining."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, feeling his eyes on me as I walked, naked, to the closet. Inside, I glanced in the mirror and smiled when I saw the fading red marks on my neck from Wilmer's lips. After another moment though, my smile faltered and I felt the tears making their way back up. It felt like my entire body was seized with panic as the reality that Wilmer could die finally set in on my brain. My legs gave out underneath me and I fell to the floor with a thud, my face a frozen mask of horror.

"Demi?" Wilmer's voice had a mix of laughter in it. "Fall over again?" When I didn't answer his voice was more concerned; laced with worry as it got closer. "Demi?"

The door opened and he was immediately at my side, his eyes widening when he saw my expression. "Are you okay?"

"You can't die." I whispered. "You can't, okay? I won't be able to handle it."

"Sweetheart." He sighed, sitting down and pulling my into him. "I can't control that. I can only control right now, and right now, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere right now. We're gonna see if they can take it out today, but for now I'm okay."

"But you're not." I whispered. "You're not okay you have fucking cancer."

"I know that." He rested his chin on top of my head. "But we don't have to think about that right now. Right now we can think about us, and how even if things go bad we're gonna make the best of it, okay?"

"I can't not think about it." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I can't just act like it's not happening."

"I'm not asking you to do that." He said back. "I'm asking you to not give it any more control than it already has. Yes, I have a tumor, but that's the end of it. It doesn't have any power over our attitude towards it."