I Won't Lose Everything | Negovanman

Chapter Seven

A/N: This one is shorter than usual, but oh well! Thanks for the support so far, enjoy!

...

Being friends was hard. They both knew it would be. It had only been two days since Natasha drove her home and the friend-label hurt almost as bad as what Elise felt before. Natasha was distant. She never let it be just the two of them. The temptation was too strong.

But Elise's acting was near normal and she was at least eating her meals- mostly because it meant spending time with Natasha. "I made your favorite." Natasha feigned a smile and put a plate of pesto chicken pasta in front of Elise. She immediately regretted it when she saw the glint in Elise's eye- she didn't want to give Elise the wrong impression. "Since tomorrow is your birthday." Elise realized it was only made for a special occasion.

"Thanks." She tried to sound appreciative.

"What are you doing for the big day?" It came out blank.

Elise thought back on the conversation she had with her dad earlier. "Why don't I take you and Natasha to dinner for your birthday? Like last year." She couldn't tell her dad they broke up. It was still too soon for her. She tipped her head to Winny. "We're probably just going out with my friends." She cringed when she said the word. That's technically what her and Natasha were... friends.

Winny sat there and watched their interaction.

Natasha waited for an invitation that never came. The silence was awkward.

...

Elise went out the next night. She drank. She danced. She cried to Winny the entire cab ride home.

...

The three roommates decided to order take-out the next night and watch a movie. Winny went to pick it up and Natasha was watching TV on the couch, stomach grumbling. When Winny got back she set the bag down on the coffee table and sat on the other couch, extending her legs to span the entire thing, leaving Elise with no choice but to sit next to Natasha. As soon as she sat, Winny got back up. "I'm heading out." She grabbed a container from the bag and headed out the door.

They both knew what she was doing.

...

Natasha was pissed. The last thing she wanted right now was to be alone with Elise.

Elise was pissed too. She knew once Natasha made an excuse to ditch her she'd be alone for the rest of the night. She could call her friends. But she didn't want to see anyone lately.

"We should watch The Walking Dead..." Natasha threw it out there but immediately wished she hadn't, remembering Elise hated anything remotely scary.

"Okay." Elise surprisingly agreed anyway.

...

They watched the first episode and Elise wasn't too scared. She suggested they watch another one.

A couple parts startled Elise and at one point she instinctively grabbed Natasha's arm and hid behind her shoulder. She didn't realize it until she felt Natasha's back stiffen. "Sorry, I'm sorry." She let go, embarrassed, but not for being scared, and she pushed herself further away. "Old habit." She conceded.

"It's cool." Natasha acted like it didn't send electricity up her spine. She turned back to the TV and Elise just watched her sadly.

A few minutes later, Elise felt Natasha lean on her shoulder. The closeness, the touch, made her heartbeat quicken. She was so close she could breathe her in- she smelled so good. Always. Elise longed to be able to hold her again; she tried her best to restrain herself.

Natasha was so into the episode she didn't really notice. Being close with Elise was second nature. They naturally gravitated to each other. She moved to pull herself closer before she realized what she was doing and stopped. Elise noticed it too but she didn't let on. Natasha got up with the excuse of cleaning up the leftovers when the episode was over.

"Yeah. I'm going to go to sleep anyway" Elise decided it was best to remove herself from the situation and avoid making a fool of herself like she did when she kissed Natasha. It was over. Natasha didn't care anymore. Why am I the only one upset over this? It was so easy for her to give up on us. She cried herself to sleep.

If only she knew it wasn't true. Natasha kept a calm face for the world but the second she was behind closed doors, she was sobbing. It was hard to remain true to what she believed. It was hard to be so cold to Elise. But she had to keep telling herself; Elise isn't proud to be with me. I can't live like that anymore. The sobs got stronger the more she thought about it. She wanted Elise to care. She wanted Elise to be proud of her, to show her off the way Natasha did for her.

...