Sex makes you realize.

Chapter 2.

That response! That response ran all through my brain. "How could cheating mean love? How could love mean cheating? Was I ever ready for a relationship? Was he ever ready for a relationship? I thought love was supposed to be beautiful." From then on, whenever we saw eachother in school, we just kept on walking. We wouldn't stop & walk together like we used to, we just kept on walking. From then on, I didn't know where I stood w/ him. I didn't know if we were together, or if we were apart. I didn't know if I was still in his heart, or if it broke apart. All I knew was that I wanted him to be mine, even though he cheated. I was young & naive, my hormones drove my thoughts & emotions, not my common sense, if I had any. I mean, what kind of common sense could I have, if I take back a cheater?   I just wanted to be loved, to feel important. I wasn't single & I wasn't taken, if that makes any sense at all. Eventually, I saw him with other girls. I felt so betrayed & heart broken, I just didn't know what to do. I know I was stressing too much over a guy, but he was perfect, or atleast I thought he was. I mean, I know he cheated & all, but was that a real reason for me to not give him a second chance? Everybody makes mistakes, why should he be any different? I might be too late for him to ever even consider taking me back, but I feel like I should ask. I saw him in school & I asked him, "hi, do you still love me like you said you did?" He said, "no, I don't. I hate you now, more than I ever did before."

I'm so happy I asked him after school when everybody was gone, because after he said that, I fell to my  knees & cried. He just walked away, leaving me to die. I couldn't believe that after the year we spent together, he wouldn't even give me another chance, he didn't even think about it. Maybe it was my fault he cheated, maybe it was my fault he hates me now, maybe everything that happened between us was my fault. After he watched me break down instantly, he came to school the next day, w/ a new girlfriend. After I saw him kissing his new girlfriend that day, I just couldn't take it, so I left school & went home. I locked my room door, put my headphones in, & just cried myself to sleep. My parents were out of town, when I found out he had a new girlfriend, so I was home alone. He knew my parents were out of town, so he came to my house. I opened the door & saw him there, he was so beautiful. I said, holding back tears, "can I help you?" He said, "-Sigh- Can I come in?" I said, "Sure." After he came in, while I was closing the door, he pushed me against the door & kissed me. I couldn't even utter a single word, so I slapped him. I knew he had a girlfriend, & even though I wanted him back, I didn't want him to have to cheat on his girlfriend to be w/ me. But after I slapped him, he just pinned my arms to the wall, & kept on kissing me. He kept touching me, he kept trying to undress me. At that moment, I felt completely, & utterly, vulnerable.