Dear Dad,
~Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up
According to plan?~
I almost got to the point of asking myself.. Am I really your son? Do you accept me? Am I the boy you wanted me to be? And about that portrait that Bucket painted for us, why do I feel like you accept that 'Hiccup' in the painting that me myself?
~And do you think
I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do
And it hurts that you dissaprove all along~
The night that we battled the dragons in berk. You asked me
"Why cant you follow the simplest orders?!" Its like and embarasment to everyone. Of course I follow, well, sort of. But can you just be proud?
"I-I cant stop myself. I see a dragon, and I have to just... Kill it, you know.. Its who I am dad"
"Oh, Many things Hiccup, but a dragon killer is not one of them"
--
"Oh what am I gonna do with him Gobber?" You told Gobber about me.
"Put him in training with the others" Gobber answered. I really hope you'd say yes. But.. you had an argument about it.
~And now I tried hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud~
Do you still remember the time that you just came on Berk after you find the dragon's nest? The time that I'm decorating something for Toothless? You came in and you talked about the good things I've done on our training. I thought you're talking about Toothless that time
"Now lets talk about that dragon" You said with an angry face and an angry voice.
"Oh Gods.. Uh Dad, I'm so sorry. I-I, I was going to tell you. I just didnt know how to.. uh-" I said but you cut me off with your laugh. The laugh that made me happy on the inside because I knew there's something about me that will make you proud. But that thing is just something that you made me do. That time, I realized that I dont want to train. But you didnt listened when I said, I cant kill dragons
~I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I cant pretend that I'm alright
And you cant change me~
"I really hit one" I said
"Sure he got that" Gobber replied. We're walking home after you told him to get me in the house
"He never listens!"
"It runs in the family"
"And-And when he does, he's always with this... dissaponted scowl, like someone skimped on the meat in his sandwich." I said. Then I used your voice for this one "Excuse me barmaid. I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring. I want an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side! He's here, this is a talking fish bone!"
All these times, I feel like I'm not good enough. When I say I want to be a viking, you'll gesture the all of me and say "Stop all... this". Why, am I not good enough?
~Coz I lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry, I cant be
Perfect
Now Its just too late
And I cant go back
I'm sorry I cant be
perfect~
"Wow" Astrid told me. "Its a mess. You've lost everything. Your father, your tribe, your best friend"
"Thankyou for summing that up"
I mean, Really? She really had the time to talk to me about this while you're on your way to dragon island with my dragon in chains. You pushed me away. You sacrifice your own son just for that island. And int not really a sacrifice.. You gave me up just for an island.
~I try not to think about the pain I feel inside
And do you know you used to be my hero
All the days you spent with me now seems too far away
And it feels like you dont care anymore~
The night I hit the Nightfury which is Toothless, I tried to explain to you what I really did.
"Okay but I Hit a nightfury" That's what I said. Then all you do is drag me away "No.. Its not like the last few times, Dad. I mean, I really actually hit it! You guys were busy and I had a very clear shot! It went down just off raven point. Lets get a search party out there before it-" And as usual, you never listened to me. All you do is cut me off
"Stop! Just... Stop. Everytime you step outside, disaster follows! Did you not see that I have bigger problems? Winter is almost here and I have an entire village to feed!"
I was thinking.. Why, dad? Why do you always have to act like the cheif? I just wish you have a minute to stop being a chief and be my dad. You're always thinking about your village. I understand that. But why do I feel like being a 'father' is not even something you care about?
~Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please dont turn your back
I can believe its hard
Just to talk to you
But you dont understand~
You threw me in the dark great hall like a rock and I almost fell down.
"I should've known, I should've seen the signs!" You said closing the door angrily behind you.
"Dad-"
"We had a deal!" you yelled at me as I'm trying to get your attention
"yeah.. I-I know we did but that.. that was before I.. I- ooh its all so messed up"
"So .. everything in the ring" You said and faced me.. "A Trick?!" You said and pointed at me angrily "A lie?"
"I screwed up. I- I should've told you before now.. I-Just. you.. take this out on me but please...dont hurt Toothless" I said.
"The dragon?! That's what you're worried about?! Not the people you almost killed?!" You Shouted at me angrily. I wanna shout back at you.. The time you're always caring about the village and not for me, I want to yell 'The village? Thats what you are worried about?!' to you. But I didnt. And now.. You're still worried about your people?
"He's just protecting me! He's not dangerous" I'm just trying to defend my dragon from you, like how you defend your village from me.
"They killed hundreds of us!"
"And we killed thousands of them!"
Our argument continued but there are some things on my mind. Why aren't you proud of me? Like the way you're proud of Berk? And why are you just so... worried about that village and not worried about me? Why dont you trust me enough with this?
Untill our argument went about the dragon island
"Their island?! So you've been on the nest?!" You told me..
"Did I said Island?"
How did you find it?"
"I didnt.. Toothless.. Only a dragon can find it" I said.. Then dad looked at me like he had an idea.. And it seems like... its bad..
"Oh.. No... dad. Its not what you think it is. You dont know what you're up against, its like nothing you're ever seen!" I said, explaining about what might happen. I care about the village. I care about you. And even though I do.. you just push me away
"Dad, For once in your life would you please listen to me!" I said, running to him and pulling his huge arm. But... You know what he did? He pushed me away. I fell down on the floor. I thought it was painfull, but... no.. Because for once in my life.. I heard the painfull thing a father can ever tell his son..
"You're not a Viking. You're not my son"
Some may never know the feeling, Dad. You are a Chief's son, too. But you're not like me. You always like to be a viking. Your father trusts you to be a viking. You have large arms, and you're strong. Me? No. Of course I want to be a chief someday, you just dont trust me enough for it. You never listened to me. All you do is listen to yourself.
But, Dad, even though I want to yell at you, tell you I dont want you to be my father, and shout the things I've been keeping for a very long time, I didnt.. I didn't because I care for you like you care for your people. Something hit my mind just now. You may not care for me as a son. But you care for me as a citizen of Berk. And that's enough for me.
I love you dad. And Thankyou for everything (And by everything, I mean nothing)
~Hiccup
~~~~~~~~
SOOO... that was... Great .. :) If you want to hear the song, click the video on the side :) And yeah..Vuhvye
