I am depressed, sure. Crying every night feeling that the world turns its back on you doesn’t help me relieve all the hatred bottled up inside me.
I just thought I am lonely, that maybe us humans are meant to feel the pain to know we are alive.
Nobody is trying to help me to ease the sufferings I’m succumbed since my parents had left me to this evil man.
I idolized him.
Trusted him that he will make me the best kid since that’s what he promised to mom and dad, even to me when he was still okay.
I actually wanted to be like him because he is the best “dad” ever. I love science because he loves it too. Telling me bedtime stories, feeding me ice cream and chocolates, and playing with me in the park is what I thought our life would simply become.
Until he gets mad because he lost his job.
He is not smiling anymore and crying at night. I do not understand why is it such a big deal. We could just play the robots and other toys in the living room and be happy, right? But I realized it’s not just like that.
Whenever I am asking him what was wrong, he would just beat the shit out of me until I faint. He will just say sorry to me the next day telling me he was just depressed.
Sure, I understand because I love him and it’s okay. Maybe he just needed a release for being frustrated.
Worst, he started those weird and creepy smiles whenever he visits my bedroom at night. Not to tell me bedtime stories but to stay inside the blanket with his naked body. I don’t understand why my 7-year old body satisfies him. I do not completely understand why this 7-year old boy has to be used to all the bullshits in life.
“We will just play mom and dad.”
“I just need to feel good and I know you will feel good too, isn’t it?”
Fuck what you feel and…fuck I hate myself.
Until the cycle goes on and on,
On and on that I felt numb and wanted to escape the hell where I found myself trapped.
I just wanted this pain to stop.
All I wanted is to be happy.
All I need is to feel secure.
I just wanted to feel clean.
I wanted to take back the innocence that was taken away from me.
.
.
.
.
Please set me free.
YOU ARE READING
HEALING (bxb)
FanfictionWayo, as an ordinary person, faces trauma and depression from the hands of the person whom he looked up to since he grew up. Having hopeless to the shots of realities happening to his life, an unbelievable person helped him overcome the fear that is...
