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TODOROKI, TOO FAST
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"i love you."
todoroki shoto is difficult to catch. being aware of his existence immediately puts you in a race that you never signed up for. the race consists of him always up ahead and the other player not being able to move foward. no matter how you push yourself to the front and no matter how strong your pull is, todoroki shoto will always be up ahead, even if you are right beside him.
like now.
he is right beside you, with his white side being the only thing you can see of him. it makes you wonder how he will look like with only white hair or maybe how he looks like if he only has his red hair. but you frown at the thought that answers your question. either way, the voice says, todoroki shoto will always be beautiful.
you have had many encounters with todoroki shoto throughout the years, but you are sure that this will be the last time you will be seeing those heterochromatic eyes if his for todoroki shoto will be attending yuuei.
(you aren't shocked to hear that but your heart breaks and breaks and breaks andーit keeps on breaking because he is leaving you behind. you are used to it but this is different. you will no longer be seeing his back as you try to race with him. not even his shadow. he is far too ahead of you and that makes your heart break.)
and that is the reason why you stammered those words to him in the middle of dismissal time, your backs against the wall of the library shelves. you are stuck between the drama lane and the romance lane. is it ironic that you two ended up in this place?
you have always thought that those words of affection no longer seem true. you want to say 'i really like you' as that seems more authentic but you end up saying those words because those words are a million times more meaningful than those that you claim to be better. no matter what you say, or no matter how many laws you bend, 'i love you' will always have three words yet millions of meanings, reasons, causes, and effects.
it's the last day of school and you are satisfied.
you feel todoroki drift his gaze to you and you can feel the confusion from him as well. you know that his mismatched eyes must be full of questions and horror in this very moment but you don't meet his stare. you are afraid that if you do, you will be bawling on the floor because of the tragedy that your first love has given you. you are afraid that if you do, you will never be able to let go these bubbling feelings in your heart.
(you're afraid that you will never be able to move from your place, never be able to catch the only boy who manages to make a dying ice look so beautiful with the way his flames burn the cold, water dripping from the dead cube. he is the only boy who can make the most tragic things look so beautiful because he himself is a tragedy. a tragedy meant for hearts.)
"todoroki-kun."
(hearts like yours.)
"i love you."
(hearts that are meant to be broken for the owners have asked an irresponsible and naïve smile to take care of it without them even knowing. hearts that should have never been broken because of a careless hand that slipped andーcrash!ーreleased their hold around the thumpingーstill thumping and alive but no longer can function the same they it used toーorgan.)
but you have seen this scene play before your eyes even back in the days where you find yourself smiling at the thought of his happiness. you no longer cry.
"i hope you have fun in yuuei."
you see the way his eyes look almost guilty and sad as you let the words roll off your tongue, even if you do not turn to accept his gaze.
"i just wanted to tell you this before we part ways. i hope you don't mind that, todoroki-kun."
and you feel a cold handーthe hands that produce the cold that envelopes you during the night and whisper you to sleepーon your own and a warm hand on your cheekーthe hands that extinguish the cold and visit your dreams to change them into nightmaresーto urge you to look at him.
beautiful eyes.
and he decides to let his warm hand glide to your hair and he ruffles it softly.
