aquila ▶ marauders era {EDITING}

bonus chapter

REMUS' HANDS TREMBLED AS HE TRIED TO fix his tie in the mirror without success. He had never really liked wearing suits and ties, always preferring comfort over class, but he knew he had to suck it up today. 

"Moony," James said, pushing open the werewolf's bedroom door. The Potter was in a shirt and pants, his jacket slung over his shoulder and his hair somewhat neat (probably the second time Remus had seen him like this). The bespectacled boy looked at his friend and nodded his head to the side, "It's time to go."

The two boys left the apartment and Apparated to the graveyard where they met Sirius. The Black had been there since early that morning, sitting between two plots. One, where his parents had put the body of his brother and the next, where earlier that day, they had buried an empty casket to mark the grave of his sister.

His baby brother, gone. His baby sister, gone. The siblings that he should have shielded against the dangers of the war, gone. 

He had stopped crying a long time ago. Now, he just sat there with a heaviness in his chest. Whenever he thought about his siblings dying (which, with the state of the world they were living in, he did more than he should have), he always imagined feeling empty. He thought he would feel like something was ripped out of his chest. Instead, it was the opposite. The hole that he imagined his siblings would leave was filled with remorse and guilt and a burning hatred for himself. He should have done more. He should have protected them better. But he didn't and now they were both gone.

"Padfoot," James said quietly, watching his best friend tremble.

Sirius looked up, "Wormtail didn't come with you?"

James shook his head, "He wasn't at the apartment. I sent him a Patronus but he didn't respond."

The Black clenched his jaw. A part of him understood. Aquila was as much Peter's sister as she was his. Sometimes, it felt like they were closer. The idea of her funeral made Sirius sick to his stomach. Clearly, it had a similar effect on Peter. 

Sirius closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before he opened them and stood up. Dusting off the back of his pants, he said, "Well then, what's the point in doing this if we aren't all here? It doesn't make sense if we aren't all here. We might as well just go home!"

"Padfoot, mate," James said, resting a hand on the Black's shoulder, "Don't do this. Wormtail... he's coping how he's coping. This, this goodbye, this is how you cope. You wouldn't have asked us to do it if you knew it wouldn't make sense. Wormtail will say his goodbye another time in another way. But Merlin knows you need to say your goodbyes now. You need this closure. Don't use his absence as a scapegoat for you to get away from this. If you don't deal with the pain you feel now, it will keep coming back in ways you couldn't imagine. Trust me."

James was speaking from experience. Sirius was so wrapped up in his own pain that he forgot that James had been grieving the loss of his parents since early this year. Their deaths had hurt Sirius too, as the Potters were more loving to him than his own parents, but he had only known them for seven years. They had been with James all his life and now they were gone. 

The bespectacled boy nodded when he saw the flash of recognition on Sirius' face, "It still hurts. I still hurt. But I hurt a little less everyday. And I hurt a lot less after I spoke at their funeral. Talking about them, remembering them. It's important."

"Now, I didn't know Aquila like you guys did," James continued, speaking to both Sirius and Remus now, "We just weren't that close but I did still know her. And I know she'd want you all to remember. But she wouldn't want you to remember the sad times or the hard times. She'd want you to remember the great times we all shared."