Till The Rope Gives Way

i. (michael)

I returned home and immediately grabbed a beer. As much as I wanted to fault Jasmine for her failure to mention that Stephanie was my replacement, she would've never known unless I gave her a name during earlier conversations. I think I was truly annoyed that I would have to see her, and now spend a bit of time with her at all. I didn't hate the girl, but my frustrations with the demise of our relationship still stuck around. Forgiveness wasn't easy and quite honestly hasn't been given yet, I'm ashamed to admit. Regardless, I wanted to have a chance to speak with Jasmine and voice my concerns. I wanted to be careful with my choice of words; I didn't want her offended, especially with what all she's enduring and after our amazing weekend together. I know she would never disappointment me, least never intentionally. After finishing my beer, I decided I'd take a shower to clear my mind. I found that this was a great way to relieve my stresses of the day, so I probably take quite a few more showers than I need to.

I sat around, with a nervous feeling in my stomach. I don't know what was overtaking me more: the idea of seeing Stephanie all week or Jasmine's arrival. As a result, I grabbed another beer from the fridge. After about 20 minutes I heard a knock at the door, to which it was her. "Hi!" she smiled as I let her in. It was barely reciprocated, but she didn't notice. "I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I brought a couple things. Why'd you leave the luncheon early?" she asked, removing takeout from the bags she had sat down. I ran my hand thru my hair and walked over to her, silently. I hope she wouldn't mistake my behavior. She turned to me and noticed my mood. "Michael what's wrong?" I took her hand and walked her over to the sofa, to help seat her. "We have to talk, Jas." Her face became something reminiscent of a damsel in a horror movie, and her chest heaved in terror. "Calm down, ok? It isn't...really serious, but it has to be discussed." She simply turned forward and looked away from me. I watched as this poor, heart damaged woman instantly think the very worse. Lord knows what Sam used to do to her. "What did I do?" was all she said. I frowned and grabbed her face gently, kissing her forehead. "Please, don't lose it ok? I just wanna talk about a minor concern." She looked down from me and held herself, moving from my grasp. "Just tell me Michael, ok?" I sighed out. "So, here's the thing: that replacement you hired? That's ...my ex-fiancée, the one I told you about."  I waited for her reaction. Her eyes grew into a state of shock. "Please...please tell me that's a joke. Michael that is not your ex." I just looked at her. "Oh my god! I'm...I'm so sorry! I...I had no idea!" She simply shook her head, while voice cracked. She was nearly on the verge of tears. I put my arm around her and tried to soothe her. "Jas...calm down ok? You. Had. No. Idea. I never spoke her name; you wouldn't have ever known. I can't say part of me wasn't a bit furious about seeing her, but you truly had no idea. I never gave you a name, or what she looked like. I'm sure otherwise you wouldn't have hired her." She never looked at me while I spoke to her. It was as if she made this grave mistake. She acted very similar to when Steph told me she was cheating, which I found odd yet honest. Jasmine truly had no intentions to inflict pain on me, and now that she had done so in an unintentional manner, she was about ready to lose it. "I can find someone else; it's no problem." "That won't be necessary. I'm only around a little longer, then I'm gone. If you're able to put up with her, without bringing up anything regarding 'us' then it should be fine. She doesn't know anyhow. Don't let anything I told you sway your decision. It is my fault I didn't tell you. And who knew she'd come around full circle like this? I certainly didn't. You have nothing to be worried about ok? I'm not mad." "Not anymore..." I kneeled in front of her, taking her hands. "Listen; we are fine you hear me? Nothing's wrong. I am okay." I stood up and kissed her forehead gently. She nodded, still very silent. "I just don't wanna mess up this time," she said quietly. "You didn't mess up anything last time. That was all Sam's doing. Don't blame yourself for his crappy behavior. You're the victim, not him." She sighed out, laying on the arm of the sofa. "Here, let's go ahead and end this conversation and eat, hm? You brought so much food," I laughed while walking over to the table. She didn't follow me. I went back over to her and she was still in the same spot. "Jas, c'mon ok?" "I'm not hungry, Mike." I sighed and sat next to her, rubbing her back. As I did, she let a few tears fall. The poor thing was so stressed due to this hearing that her mistake was one more thing on her mind. She truly cared for my wellbeing. She was more than deserving of my heart. Eventually, she fell asleep where she sat. I removed her shoes, put her legs up on the couch and covered her with a blanket. She needed the rest, so I wouldn't disturb her.

                The following morning, I was back in the office, before anyone else as usual. Jasmine ended up staying over and heading out around midnight to return home. While I started to prep things for the day and pack up some more belongings, I heard a knock on the suite door, and sure enough it was Stephanie, ready for work. I took a couple deep breaths and let her in. "Good morning, Michael," she said with a smile. "Morning," I replied unwillingly. She sat her bags down on the chair at my desk, to which I hurried out to the kitchenette to make some coffee and tea. "Look, Michael," she followed me, while I didn't look up. "I know this is extremely awkward for you, having me here like this. I promise I had no idea you worked here," she exclaimed. "It doesn't matter that you're here, because I'll be gone by the end of the week anyhow," I responded. I was not interested in making small talk or catching up with Stephanie. At the same time, she shouldn't even have such a negative effect on me; maybe I was on edge because once I was gone, my ex would be working with my girlfriend. That had somewhat of a reaction on me, but I had to keep myself calm and not blow any covers. "I understand; I want this to be as easy on you as possible. But it would be a lie to say that I'm not a tiny bit glad to have ran into you. How have you been?" I sighed out, resorting to giving her a chance. "I've been okay, can't really complain. How about yourself?" "I've been good. Moved away, kinda just focusing on me for a while. Everything has been great," she said with a smile. I thought for a minute. It was stupid and quite frankly, exhausting to harbor these old feelings of resentment towards Stephanie. "You know what...there's something I should've done a long time ago, and I didn't. I forgive you; I don't want you to walk around tensed or awkwardly, and I don't want to continue to let our past have a negative effect on me. Nor do I want you to walk around on eggshells. So, I do forgive you, now let's keep this professional alright?" Stephanie simply looked at me with a smile. "I do...thank you." I nodded handing her a mug of coffee. What a fool I was to walk around here, upset when she clearly moved on with her life? I'm trying to do the same, and she simply isn't due anymore of this energy. My focus should be on Jasmine, and trying to love her as best I could. She thanked me for the coffee. "So...who's heart are you breaking nowadays, hm?" I froze, and even though I tried to prepare myself for that question I was not ready for it. "I'm...focusing on my career right now." She nodded content with that answer. I was hoping this week would speed by.

I returned home after a long day. I was hoping that there was no real strain regarding Jasmine and myself. She kept her distance during the day, which caused me a bit of concern. I wasn't sure if she was looking for me to speak out first, or if she wanted some space after believing she had caused this misfortune onto me by hiring my ex. At either rate, I didn't want her to over worry, so I would pay her a visit after changing. Usually I wouldn't show up to her place unannounced, but I concluded that a surprise would do her some good. I arrived at her place around 7:35. I hadn't thought of her still being at the office, so I sat in the car and decided to call her. When I didn't get an answer after three calls, I sent her a text, still with no reply. I assumed she was preoccupied with some serious matter, or just needed some rest. I decided I'd meet up with her later this week, so I resorted to returning home for the evening.