The Green Rising

Chapter Thirty-five

The tinny sound of the shovel piercing the earth had stopped a few minutes ago. I could not bring myself to step outside the house. Doing so would mean acceptance, acknowledgement that my little girl was gone. I held Maggie closely, hoping that it would force life into her limp body, but her breath never came.

Carefully laying her onto the couch, I wrapped Maggie in the blanket Carrie had made for her when she was a baby. The blanket barely covered her body, but temperature was no longer an issue for her. It seemed appropriate that the blanket that had given her comfort all her life should accompany her in death, too. I lifted her off the couch and hugged her again. Our time together was waning.

With Maggie’s doll in hand, Rosabel walked over to us and tried to stuff the toy into her sister’s arms.

“Maggie wants her doll,” Rosabel argued as I tried to hand the doll back. Her wet cheeks glistened in the moonlight. “Mommy, she needs Baby.”

“Maggie wants you to watch her baby, honey.” I brushed away a blond strand that fell across Rosie’s face. “Why don’t you grab her teddy bear for her?”

I paced back and forth in the living room with Maggie in my arms, not wanting to let go of her, not wanting to think about life without her sweet hand holding mine wherever we went. My heart shattered into pieces as I realized we’d have no more trips to the grocery, no more treats of ice cream that ended with most of it coating her face. I collapsed onto the floor, only aware of the grief that emptied my every cell.

“Miss Lily,” Caleb said as he peeked inside the door. He wore no smile as pity filled his eyes.

I gazed up at him, uncertain how long I’d been on the floor. The teddy bear lay beside us and Rosabel was curled up on the other side of Maggie. Caleb stood patiently over the threshold, but I knew he was prodding us to move forward with her burial. He was much too polite to demand that I hurry. He also knew that I was broken.

Everything was broken.

My father had passed a few minutes after Maggie. I knew it when my mom’s wails filled the house. They’d barely registered as I tried to cope with the loss of my baby girl, but I’d just let out the same cries. Somehow, I had managed to go upstairs as Caleb and Edgar carried my father to his resting place, but I could not watch as he was lowered into the ground. I couldn’t comfort my mom when there was so little left of my own heart.

Caleb cleared his throat and my reality sank in. It was cold outside and nothing was going to bring Maggie back to us. It was unfair to keep Caleb and Edgar waiting while I stalled.

Tapping on Rosie’s shoulder, I nudged her awake. It was time to say good-bye to Maggie. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and pecked her sister on the cheek.

“I love you, Maggie,” she said as she put her arms around her.

Caleb helped us up and we walked outside, Maggie in one of my arms, and Rosie gripping my other hand tightly as she lagged a little behind.

The wind nipped at my cheeks, gloating that her power was much more substantial than mine. I couldn’t even protect my children. I was nothing to the wind. Mom and Jessa were huddled by the much larger hole next to Maggie’s. Tears streamed down both their faces and they appeared to be in a deep discussion. Noah was squirming inside Jessa’s coat while she bounced gently in place to pacify him. Edgar stood hunched over the shovel with his back to us, and startled as he heard our approaching footsteps.

Jessa welcomed Rosie into her embrace as I crawled into the grave to tuck Maggie in one final time. Rosie handed the teddy bear to me, squeezing the button inside the bear’s paw.