out of my mind

one

It was foggy on the night that she died, clouds layering the black midnight sky like the way a veil goes over a bride's head - lightly, almost as if it wasn't there.

It was almost as if she wanted to die that way - as if she had never been there in the first place.

But then again, one never slips into death gracefully or peacefully.

Especially if said deceased didn't slip at all, but rather jumped off the second most dangerous bridge in America.

-

Silence was hard to come by in the city. The constant sounds of cars and people formed an orchestra of background noise, and the glimmering lights of apartment buildings and passerby airlines often made it impossible to see the stars. Even the great silence of midnight could not hush the murmur of the cityscape.

She was seventeen that night, and as she stood at the edge of the blue stretch of steel that was the Coronado, the wind seemed to drape over her. The girl became one with the wind as she let her shivering hands drift to the edge of the steel. Her car was parked next to the median between the two lanes on the bridge.

All she wanted, in a way, was silence. Shawn had slapped her before he left her apartment that night, spat at her feet and confirmed everything that Lauren had told her before she had left.

It almost seemed cliche, to die at midnight.

"Camila."

The girl turned around to face the person who had called her name.

"Lolo."

Lauren was there. Black converse, the old Miami shirt and all. Tears were brimming on the edges of her eyes. Camila could see the pain within them. Her hands were bandaged.

"Please don't do this."

"You - you don't have any right to tell me what to do anymore."

"I - I'm not telling you. I'm begging you. Please."

"No. I can't do that for you. I - I promised myself I wouldn't do anything for you once I left."

"Think of Sofi."

"She's gone, Lauren. She's been gone since I was eleven, my parents - my parents don't know where I am, "

"Shawn?"

"He left last night and hasn't come back since."

Lauren's face twisted before her eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I never meant to do anything - we - all we fought over was who would do the dishes tonight. It wasn't supposed to escalate. I told him I was sorry - he didn't care that I told him I was sorry."

"You've always been a cunt, Camila." Lauren's face seemed to be permanently moulded into the twisted sneer that was on her face now, and it looked all too familiar for Camila to be comfortable with it. "You waste everything life gives to you. I kept you safe, and you left. Before you left me, you left your parents after you sister is killed - by you. And then you go to Shawn. He keeps you guarded, keeps you safe, treats you well - and you drive him off."

The wind blew Camila's hair out of her face, and she wished it hadn't. Now, Lauren could truly see the look in her eyes.

"You know why I had to go."

"Your parents always told you that you should have died instead of your sister. I believe them. You're useless. You sit and pity yourself, pretend to be soft for attention. You're a detriment to everyone you come across."

"I don't want to be."

"But you can't help it, can you? You're nothing. You should be dead now, Camila - Sofi is gone because of you."

"I didn't kill her."

"Don't fool yourself. The knife was in your hands, but the blood - that never washes off Camila. And neither do your sins."

Camila watched as Lauren disintegrated before her, body flurrying like ashes in the wind, invisible in the night sky.

She climbs onto the cement barrier between air and road, lets her feet dangle on the edge, and free falls forward.