(Y/N) WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?

Eighteen

YOUR POV

I stayed in bed all day with Thor, who never left my side. He would stroke my body gently any time I started to cry, he was in the middle of doing it when I jumped up and paced back and forth. " (Y/N) what are you doing?" " I'm weak" I mumbled " Your what?" " I am weak!" I shouted as I looked at Thor who stared at me silently. I looked at myself in the mirror and furiously slapped myself over and over again until Thor grabbed my arms and held me into his chest " You are not weak my lady, you are reacting the proper way any woman would" " I don't want to be like everyone other woman, I want to be strong. I don't want to be this weak woman" I growled at myself.

" Thor" " Yes?" " I need you to hit me" " What?!" " I need some sort of pain to bring my strength back, I need to let this weak woman go". " I could never lay a finger on you (Y/N), I could never hurt the woman I love" Thor spoke lovely as he stroked my cheek, " Then you love a weak, dull person" " You are not weak nor dull, you have been through something traumatic" " Thor it's either you cause me pain or I'll do it myself". " You will not harm yourself, you are a strong woman who needs to rest, that is all" " No I'm not!" I cried as I looked up at Thor " You are having one of these mood swings again, I saw you have a lot of these on earth with Tony" " It's not a mood swing Thor, it's depression".

" Depression?" " Yes, it's a mental health issue. Basically there'll be times where I'll just hate myself, how I look, my life and sometimes I hurt myself..." " What do you mean hurt yourself?". I sighed as I pulled my dress up and showed the little scars on my legs " (Y/N)" Thor gasped " Why would you do this to yourself?!" " Because life gets too much sometimes! And...and I can't handle it" I cried. Thor sighed and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug " Thor can you please bring Tony here" " Of course my love, if that will make you better" " He always helps" " Then I shall bring him, stay in bed and I shall be back as fast as I can, do not harm yourself" Thor kissed my head and ran out the doors as I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.

" I hate myself...", I walked around my room trying to get my head off of self harming but it was growing too strong and I found myself locking the bathroom door and smashing one of the many mirrors in it. I grabbed a shard of glass and cried as I cut my legs, blood slowly flowing out of the wounds but it wasn't enough. I found myself cutting my wrists and I jumped as there was a knock on my door " (Y/N) are you in there?" " Yes Loki, what do you need?" " I wanted to go on a walk with you, if you'd like?" " Yeah, just give me a minute" I said as I stood up and stood on the glass " Was that glass?" " Oh yes, I dropped a cup" " Let me help you clean it up" " NO! I'll do it" " No, don't tell me you hurt yourself". " What?" " Tony told me you do it, you did it didn't you?".

I didn't say anything, instead I sat on the bathroom floor and cried " Stay away from the door!" Loki shouted as he kicked the door in and looked at me with wide eyes " My love, why?..." " It was getting too much..." I cried as Loki put wet cloths on my legs and wrists and pulled me into his lap " I have you my darling, your alright now". As I cried into Loki's chest I heard him begin to sing, a song I know all too well...a song Tony sang to me whenever I felt like this.

" I remember tears streaming down your face, when I said I'll never let you go. When all those shadows almost killed your light. I remember you said: don't leave me here alone. But all that's dead and gone and past tonight. Just close your eyes the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light you and I'll be safe and sound.Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything is on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on. Hold on to this lullaby. Even when the musics gone. Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light you and I'll be safe and sound".

Loki finished singing softly as I turned my head to look at him " How do you know this song?" " I made Tony tell me what calms you down when everything becomes too much for you. If I had known you felt this way I would have sang it sooner". I cried and threw my arms around Loki " Thank you Loki" " Anytime my love. Let me check your wounds" Loki took my wrists and kissed them after noticing the blood had stopped and I was left with little scars and he did the same with my legs. Loki placed both his hands on my face gently " Please come to me next time, and never do this again" I nodded slowly before he pressed his lips to mine " I love you (Y/N)" Loki said after pulling away " I love you too".