The Relapse Of Angelica Pickles

sometimes i wonder if this sickness will take over i dont want to do anything to hurt anyone as they tell me i will do if I don't continue with the medications but i do believe my self that the rehab made everything worse the medicine makes me feel like a soulless nothing making me feel more suicidal than before but I still take them just to satisfy the others around me the only one who would understand me is my mother she isn't physically here but i know she is in the body of Cynthia and my cousins I've longed for my cousins forever and the images i had of them in my mind were all i have but everyone took them away from me i have nobody every one is against me I must stop taking this horrid medicine I can get medicine of my own that makes me feel the way I long to feel they way I haven't felt in two months I love the narcotics they numb me as if they were a type of Novocain i swallow the lovely pill and take a few hits of the love of my life, acid the medicine that once made me normal is flushed down into the sewers I slouch down in front of the bathroom door and wait for the affect to take place a couple minutes later all of the family i once had in my mind is back tommy chuck Phil and lil they're all back and my mind launches into a colorful beautiful world were playing and laughing and of course i am the queen bee they all listen to me unlike the children in the real world I long to put my hands on that child one day the very rude dill

he never goes away when I tell him to  go and he's always there but unlike in the cruel awful dreadful world out there I know I am safe here in my colorful mind