AntiChris

Episode 1

A/N: Our brave team of writers was taking a brief break from the monotony of dick discussions, and from that break was borne the idea that an animated TV show base on us and our friends would be hilarious. The only problem is that we are just normal college kids and stuff now, so we pondered a question that philosophers have pondered for centuries... What would happen to a bunch of high schoolers were given the responsibilities and freedom of full adults? The answer is kinda like Archer, but less important and much less cool. Or, like, whatever my partner likes. She's a hipster, shhhhh. Anyways, our point is Archer is a gem of animation, and we are messed up people. LET'S GO!

(We fade into a bar, Chris and Kieran are sitting at a table near the bar.)

Chris: So, when do you think she'll be here?

Kieran: Whenever she wants to. Just like usual.

C: Well, I'm gonna get me some of my magic juice, so that I can win tonight. Tanner! Bring me one of your famous Hazmat whiskeys. I need to be staggering, just in case.

K: Chris, when is the last time you talked to a girl and didn't either drive her away or become her best friend? I'd be better off just telling you my order now.

C: Funny man, but you haven't won either, Mr. Virgin Playboy

Darlah (Walking in, all men looking at her): What are the losers talking about? Tanner, get me my usual.

C: Just about how I'm gonna own your asses tonight. I'm a master manipulator.

D: Chris, your little army can do a lot of things, but getting you laid? I dunno, that's pushing it a bit.

K: Ok, enough banter, this isn't Cheers. Let's flip, before Chris drinks himself under again. I brought the coin, so I'll flip first.

(Kieran flips a coin, which lands on heads.)

C: Ooo, someone's taking the head apparently. Spin time!

(Chris lays his half drank bottle down, spilling some of it, finishes it off, and lays it down again. He spins it, and it lands on Kieran)

K: Shit

C: You know the rules, man. You have to actually try.

K: Yeah... I know... Tanner, give me the most alcoholic thing you have.

(Grabbing a bottle, Kieran goes and sits next to a buff man at the bar.)

C (Chuckling softly): Alright, I'll flip.

(Tails)

D: Should be interesting. My turn!

(She spins the bottle, and it lands on Chris)

C: Well, gotta put it in the tail. Cya tomorrow, Darls.

(Chris downs a bottle and stumbles over to a middle-aged overweight woman)

D: Well, looks like it's up to me.

(Darlah flips a coin, which lands on heads, and she smiles, standing up and sitting down, alone at the bar.)

D: Hey, Tanner!

(Freeze frame, as the camera flies backwards, past Chris holding onto the hand of the woman, who is grabbing her purse to leave, and Kieran, who is flying backwards from a punch from the guy he was sitting next to.)

(Grimy apartment. On the bed are two wriggling forms wrapped in sheets. One head pops up, it is Chris. A few seconds later, he is surprised as Kieran's head pops above the sheets next to him. A sly smile spreads across Chris' face, as he opens his mouth)