Viktor x Yuri

If Only You Could Love Me Ch.1

Yuri P.O.V.

I scream a horrifying sound that it could tear the soul right out of someone's body. It could take their whole existence and make it crumble before your eyes. And that's what it did. It took my existence and made it crumble.Right before his eyes. The pain was so unbearable that it made my body wince under it's touch. Whip! Whip! Whip! With each hit becoming increasingly painful, every time the whip laced with spikes would hit my bare back I would scream. So many times that my throat would burn and scratch from the power of my voice. Begging never did any good, he loved my cries. That's why he did it. The screaming, the suffering, the pain. He loved it all.

I was laying down on a broken wooden table in the kitchen. Shirtless and tied down. My bare back showing so he was able to hit me and see the visible marks. It hurt so bad, but it was okay. It was, what do they call it? Karma? Maybe. It was revenge for my bad doings. The world was getting back at me. He never told me what I did. He just yelled all the time, telling me that I did something, but he spoke as if he didn't know either. He spoke like he was confused at what he was yelling about. He always spoke with a reason, but sometimes it sounded like he couldn't find the truth.

This man was my father. Not by birth though, he is technically my step father, but he hates it when I call him that. He is always drunk, I feel bad for him. I love him so much, he feeds me, he gives me cloths, and I am so thankful. He took me in and let me stay with him forever! He says that the price for that is for him to beat me. There are other reasons too, but he doesn't like to talk about them. He only talks to me when he hurts me, but that is okay. Because he is most likely busy, why would anyone have time for something like me? I never leave the house, but he does. So I guess he goes to work. He has to pay for me somehow! He yells about what I did. About why mom isn't around anymore. He tells me it was my fault. Maybe one day she will come back, I think that he is just sad because she is gone. The day she left is when everything changed. That is when he changed.

He left again. He left the room and untied my hands and feet from the table. They were sore and red. A type of burn maybe? I had dry tear stains down my face and I couldn't move. My back was bleeding and my shirt was on the floor. If I put it on it would hurt, and it will get dirty. So i'll just keep it off for now. I always forgave him for doing this, I felt bad for him. His heart hurt and he has to do something about it. I always apologize to him because I am afraid that if I say anything else then I will hurt him more. I just want him to love me. I only give him kindness so maybe one day he will return the favor. I don't expect this ofcorse. I don't deserve love. Nobody needs to give that to me. I'm worthless. You are just wasting your time. It would be nice though, for once I could feel the warmth of a hug? But that was too much to ask I guess. I've done too many bad things for me to ever repay and give me something good in return. I've hurt my father and I can never reply that, this is what he tells me atleast.

But I will always long for the day where someone can love me. Just a hug will be enough, maybe a smile too? Not the type that my dad gives me, I want a happy smile. Like you enjoy my company. The ones he gives me are ones that imply a beating. He gives it after he creates his artwork on my canvas. I'm the canvas and he is the artist. My blood is his paint and his weapons are his paintbrushes. Forever and always it will be like this. Forever and always has it been. But maybe if I can feel this love, then things will change for the better. But I guess they won't. I fall asleep on the table and let my back heal itself. If I fall asleep then the pain can ease. For now.