Junjou Possession

Chapter 7

Junjou Possession |Chapter 7| Haruhiko

Everything can change in one moment. One moment's hesitation can cost you an oppurtunity. One moment's weakness can cost you a lifetime of difficulties in which you may never escape. I know this more than anyone, of course, and yet it matters not. Not when it comes to him.

I remove my glasses and my fingers roam across the wrinkled skin below my eyelids. Aren't I too old for these kinds of thoughts? I am like a schoolgirl, reciting poetry for my seemingly impossible love. But is love truly the word? Is that what causes this lonely and departed feeling inside of me?

Love, for me, has always been cold, distant and one-sided. No matter who I fall for, no matter the circumstances, I am always the one left in the cold, and am always left alone. So, I decide I will stop chasing after it. I tell myself not to fall, and not to chase after such futile desires. Though, I cannot help myself. I suppose I find it better to have tried, and failed, than to have never tried at all.

I want so desperately to keep his presence around me even though I know how impossible that is. It is so illogical and selfish of me. I do not deserve to have such thoughts.

I look again at the papers on my desk and erase all those thoughts from my mind. I cannot be distracted by such things. I must keep working. And maybe, just maybe, he will appreciate this work just as much as my last. Will he even notice all the work I placed into this?

I scratch a few numbers onto the pages around the lines in which created the structure of the builing. Mostly, I still had the calculations to work on. The dimensions and sketches were almost perfectly correct.

Regardless, I had about twenty pages of sketches and dimensions, and each one was vastly different than the last. The rough drafts must be separated and worked on equally so that every person working on the project may receive a copy and edit it as they see fit. This is where those organizational skills come in handy that I discussed with Minori before he left. There is a place for everything, and everything must be in its place.

Without any calls or people in my office, which is rare, there is a deadly silence. Finally, a moment's peace, and I cannot enjoy it. I am too distracted and worried about things beyond my control. Such is the way life tends to be for businessmen.

Suddenly, to distract me again, comes a phone call. Strangely, it is my cell phone this time. Who would call me personally while I am at my office? I look at the color ID and my finger has already pressed the answer button and the phone is to my ear. "Yes?"

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" my brother screams into the phone.

I sigh. I had assumed Misaki would come to the phone, not Akihiko. At least, that is what I hoped would be the turn of events. "What are you speaking of?"

"If you're going to send Misaki gifts, which I'll have you know all get given away, you could at least get his name right!"

I blink in utter confusion. I feel a pang of hurt in my chest as I imagine Misaki giving away my gifts of love so apathetically. Yet, I know I must ignore this fact and get to the true reason of my confusion. "I would never misspell my Misaki's name. You must be mistaken."

He sounds as if he is slamming his feet against the ground. "Misaki belongsto me and only me." I could feel his heated glare through the phone. He rustles through a paper, probably my card I gave Misaki, and pauses a second before speaking once more. "The card says: 'Dear Minori'. Seriously, learn to spell!"

My eyes open wide. "Minori? Are you positive?"

"I'm always positive." I hear paper slam against wood.

My heart constricts as I clutch tightly to the phone. "I sincerely apologize for the trouble. I will be sending nothing more, and tell Misaki I am sorry as well."

He sounds sincerely confused. "Why are you suddenly stopping now? And what are you sorry for?"

My breath hitches in my throat. "I am in love with another, and for that I am sorry. Tell him not to concern himself anymore."

"Huh? You'd give up on him just like that? You do know he's MY lover, right?"

It's painful to think about. I fell in love with Misaki because Akihiko did, though I did love him for different reasons, and I showed it in different ways. Everything I have ever loved was first loved by my brother. But now, as irrational as it is, I am loving something for my own. For the first time since I began my life as an architect.

"I am aware of that fact." I cross my arm over my chest. "But I fell in love with someone else as my own person. I believe that takes precedence over this continuing brotherly rivalry, don't you?"

He sounds happy. This must be the first time has sounded this way around me. "Best of luck."

I open my mouth to speak, but the call has ended. My brother is happy with me, and I am in love for myself, but there is no one to share it with. Instead, I sit alone in my office chair and stare outside the glass at the endless blue sky. That deepness can only remind me of his eyes.

I clutch tightly to my sleeves. When would he arrive? And what would I say when he did?