Sunshine | Farkle

04: farkle meets insecurities

"nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities"

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This is stupid. I'm standing outside of Topanga's all by myself with a bundle of daisies in my clutches. I can't do this. I really can't do this. This is so dumb of me. I never do this kind of thing. Why was it so easy to woo Riley and Maya but as soon as I want to impress Raina, I get all...BAHLALALOO!

I climb onto an outside seat that gave me a perfect view of the inside of Topanga's. Usually, my friends and I would be in the center of the cafe with our homework surrounding us, but Lucas and Zay had sports and I lied about being busy. Riley and Maya were off being Riley and Maya and Smackle was probably reading another Encyclopedia.

My breath hitches in my throat as I catch sight of Raina sitting at a table all by herself. She has books surrounding her. I could recognize Hambone's textbook open in front of her, but all her attention was on the novel in her hands. Her legs are pulled up against her chest as she reads the story so intensely. She is so lost in her own world; I just want to get lost with her.

"Farkle?"

I scream and almost drop the flowers. They almost slip from my sweaty palms, but then I see Riley and Maya, staring at me intently and looking at the flowers I'm squeezing. Riley flashes a knowing smile at me as Maya rolls her eyes.

          "Is Raina in there?" Riley asks, but her voice tells me she already knows the answer. I look down to my shoes in embarrassment. "Oh, she's definitely in there."

          "Are those flowers for her?" Maya questions, pointing to the daisies. I nod my head shyly. In response, Riley bounces up and down and claps her hands together in excitement. Maya scoffs. "Well, go on. Don't let us stop you!"

          Before I know it, I'm being shoved through the entrance of the coffee shop. I look over my right shoulder and Riley and Maya were already spying through the window. In unison, they wave and motion for me to step forward.

          This is idiotic. I can't do this. I'm frozen in place, yet my palms are sweating profusely. All I'm doing is just looking at her! I'm studying the way she nibbles at her bottom lip and the way her blue eyes are moving a mile a minute from one page to another. Raina is out of my league. She's amazing. Extraordinary. Astounding. I'm not.

           I take a step forward, practically hearing Riley's "Yay!" from behind me. There are weights on both my feet, making my casual strut to the blue eyed beauty a strenuous trudge.

            Raina's signature green tea was sitting in a mug. When her small hand reaches out to grab it, my heart drops at the thought of her seeing me across the room. She is deep in her own mind. What kind of person would I be to interrupt a girl and her book? I did it to Smackle once and she threw the book at me.

           It's been a month of hearing Raina's laugh under her breath in Matthews's classes. It's been a month of her smiles directed towards me and awkward, spastic replies. The only real conversation I've managed to have with her was our first encounter, and that was only successful because I was too in shock to realize how enchanting she really is.

             Raina surrounds herself with Sarah, which writes POPULAR across her forehead. I'm just the weird kid everyone remembers as bright turtlenecks and Belgium 1831. All I want is to talk to her and get to know who she really is. She doesn't talk in class and when she's with Sarah, all I ever see is the latter speaking. She deserves to be heard. 

             I realize that I've barely moved from the door. If anything, I walked two steps forward and I already feel as if I'm just walking off a cliff. Do I even like Raina Faith? She smiles and laughs under her breath at whatever she was reading. I am completely and utterly infatuated with her. If I don't do something now, I'll be stuck in an endless cycle of adoring her from afar.

          How come no one ever told me that liking  a girl in high school would be ten times harder? In elementary, I could give Riley a fruit snack and she'd be smiling the whole day. I'm still standing here with a bouquet of daisies, and somehow I feel that isn't enough for Raina to smile for more than two minutes.

           I am pushed to the side as Sarah walks into Topanga's. She makes her way to Raina, plopping herself down in the seat across from her friend. The sudden sound causes Raina to look up from her book, something she hadn't done in the past twenty minutes I've been procrastinating outside.

            "I'm having a party later tonight. I'm inviting everyone in our grade and I want you to come over earlier to help me pick an outfit," Sarah says, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

            "Okay," Raina responds, voice quiet and innocent. Her blue eyes were the size of saucers as she sets the book down on the table. "What kind of party is it?"

             "A high school party," Sarah says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "We've got to keep our popularity alive somehow."

            Sarah's words turn into one big reminder that Raina Faith Martin is everything good in the world. Her soft smiles and curious eyes weren't made to end up with someone as boring and annoying as me. I wasn't popular. I've been made to feel like I'm nothing and when Raina comes along, for once, it feels like I can be anything.

           But she's too good for me.

            So I storm out of Topanga's where Riley and Maya were waiting with solemn expressions. My daisies fall to my feet and Riley instantly pulls me in for a hug. Maya soon joins in, her blonde hair tickling the end of my chin as she nuzzles herself into my body.

           "You did your best, Farkle," Maya coos.

          Riley nodded, her breath fanning my neck. "Yeah, there's always tomorrow."

           "What about tonight?" I muse, watching as the blonde and brunette reel their heads back to give me a peculiar look.

           "You want to go to that party?" Maya gapes.

            "I want to try Riley's scheme," I admit.

            "YAY! LOVE PREVAILS!" Riley exclaims, breaking off from me to fist pump the air. Meanwhile, Maya looks from me to Riley and to the door I had just came from. If I didn't know any better, it was almost like she didn't like what was coming next.

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