Sunshine | Farkle

25: raina meets ski lodge

"sometimes i feel like i'm waiting for something that will never happen."

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         Something inside of Raina Faith hurt to the point where even crying couldn't help ease the ache. As soon as the hike was over, spending the last thirty minutes of it walking alone with a heavy heart as Farkle drifted back to his friends, she zoomed past the whole entering crowd and ran up the stairwell into her respective room. The roommates that were her classmates were all wandering about, and for that, Raina was so thankful.

          She hugs the pillow to her chest, blankly staring at the wall with a definite pain in the back of her mind as she thinks on and on about the future.

           She couldn't believe she did that. She couldn't understand why she had to break Farkle's heart when she did like him back. Raina adores him, and she's felt it all this time but has never realized it until he was standing in front of her with those sad eyes, confessing his feelings.

          She likes him. But she likes Stuart too, and having a heart torn in two is one of the hardest things to cope with. In the end, someone has to get hurt. Farkle may be upset now, but not as severe as he would if she led him on. It physically pains Raina to hurt the boy she knew her heart wanted, but she'd rather take the full force of the agony than let Farkle wallow over her.

Time passes. Raina Faith doesn't know how much has actually passed, but by the time she hears a knock on the door, her blank staring at the beige walls of her hotel room shifts towards the window. It's dark out now, the night sky matching the dreariness of her mood.

She hears the lock on the door make a beeping sound before she hears it swing open. Alarmed, she sits up, unaware of how messy her hair is and how sad her eyes are. Mrs. Matthews is on the other side, her features instantly turning motherly at the heart breaking sight of Raina Faith. The teenage girl attempts to smile, but both of them know it isn't real.

"Your classmates are having a movie night downstairs. You should go," Topanga smiles.

          By the time she leaves, and Raina rolls out of bed, the latter couldn't find it in herself to leave the room. Leaving meant facing her problems, and facing her problems meant...facing her problems.

            Forcing herself through the door before she could get stuck in her own thoughts, Raina Faith instantly crashes into another body at the top of the stairs going down into the lobby where her classmates were. From above, Raina could faintly hear Maya telling a grand story of her and Lucas' adventurous and dangerous lifestyle. Looking up, shaking off the idea of a love life, she was met with no other than Josh.

He notices her puffy eyes and tear stained face immediately. Before he could even utter a word, Raina Faith smiles a smile so broken. It shatters something inside of Josh as she attempts to walk past him to get downstairs. Before she could, he calls out her name softly and she halts.

Josh sits down on the couch of the lounge area and pats the space beside him. Raina hesitates at first before taking a seat.

"What's up?" he asks her. Quickly thinking, he also adds, "And don't say nothing, or that everything is fine, because it's obviously the complete opposite." Raina looks down at her hands. "But that's okay too, Raina Faith."

She looks at him quizzically, not quite sure what he was trying to say. She could faintly hear Riley talking about a whimsical romance story down the stairs.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The words sound so foreign to her. She hadn't heard them in a long time. She doesn't remember the last time anyone's really asked her that to her face. Raina forgot what it was like to matter.

"I broke Farkle's heart," she says softly. She didn't mention how she broke her own heart breaking his. Josh didn't need to hear her say it aloud to know it happened.

"You don't like him back?" he inquired.

Raina's eyes switch from her hands to look Josh. He had been studying her the entire conversation, surprising Raina when she was met with his concerned brown eyes.

"You knew he liked me?"

"Anyone with two eyes could see it. It's okay to not like him back. You aren't obligated to like someone back. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for having the right to say no, especially yourself."

She frowns. "But I do like him."

"Then, what's the problem?" Josh is confused now, eyebrows cinched and head tilted to the side.

           "Because I like someone else too," she sighs. Raina rubs at her eyes, expecting tears. There was nothing. Something inside her aches knowing that her sadness has swallowed her entirely to the point where crying couldn't express her sorrow. "I'm not going to let myself feel something when it won't be one hundred percent. Farkle doesn't deserve that kind of hurt. No one does."

           "The best thing you can do for yourself is get closure. Talk to the other guy," Josh pauses. "Or girl, whatever you like." She giggles a bit at his words before turning to him. Her big blue eyes may have been glossed over with tears, but she has never looked so strong. "Whatever you decide to do, whoever you choose—whether it be Farkle, the other one, or even yourself—it'll be okay. In the end, it'll always turn out alright."

             "And if it's not alright?"

            "Then, it's not the end."

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happy holidays my friends!! i hope you enjoyed the chapter because five more are left before the end tehe