Twelve. - Mixed Up Feelings

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The café felt so different without Dillan’s presence bringing his obnoxious aura with him. Friday was the day today. How could someone I’ve only known for four days made such a big impact on me? Wherever I walked to, in the café, a memory regarding Dillan would be attached to my brain. I could feel a sense of longing him—a feeling I’ve never, ever thought I’d felt before yesterday. The Dillan yesterday, and the Dillan days before, were complete opposites, almost. It seemed impossible, in my mind, to morph the both of them together, thinking they were actually the same person. Which, in reality, they were.

                A fraction of me wished I hadn’t known the truth, hadn’t forced it out of Dillan. That way, I wouldn’t feel such pity towards him. I also felt a bit guilty for treating him the way I did, like stepping on his hand when he offered a handshake. That was when I realized I had absentmindedly walked into the restroom without purpose. I shook my head in disbelief, thinking I had gone too deep into my own trail of thoughts. All in which consumed Dillan. Leaving the restroom, I had entered the hallway which had Mr. Gardner’s office in front of me, and the rest of the café to my right. I was reminded of Dillan once again, at this very hallway where he walked me to Mr. Gardner’s office. The first day I met him.

                Exiting the hallway, the table where I first stood up to Dillan came to sight. The customer Dillan was flirting with sat on the same spot, scanning through the menu. I took out my pencil and notepad and approached her, silently retracing the past.

                “May I take your order, miss?” I asked with a smile.

                She looked around as if searching for someone before answering me. “Oh yes, I’ll have a mocha please.”

                Mocha—the same drink I brewed her the last time I’ve taken her order. “Will that be all?”

                “No,” she looked around again, “I mean yes. Yes, that will be all,” she closed the menu and handed it to me.

                I smiled, gave her a nod and proceeded to the counter when she called out, “Wait,” she scanned my plastic nametag, “Eryn, where is Dillan?” she asked, sounding like a concerned mother. She did, in fact, looked a few years older than us.

                “He resigned,” I told her. At that very second, I felt sadness rushed over me like waves crashing the shore. I had no idea why I was feeling that way. Maybe I felt bad for misunderstanding Dillan throughout the short period of knowing him. One day. Just one day, changed every little negative thought I’ve ever had about him.

                One day.

                How was it possible?

                “Oh, I see. That’s unfortunate. He was such a darling,” the lady had one hand over her mouth.

                “Yes, he was,” I nodded and went to brewing her mocha.

                Behind the counter, I stared out to the crowd sitting in front of me while waiting for the mocha to fill the cup: two tables to my left, the seat where Dillan opened up; the wall to my right, that was where Dillan sat against, when he got punched. The counter directly in front of me, I rubbed it gently with my hand, it was where Dillan laid the day after he got punched. And I expected him to just forgive my brother just because. How silly of me, I smiled at myself.

                                                             .~'.*.'~.

                At night, after Alex, Grace and Kayla had left, I was alone by myself. Of course, Mr. Gardner was there, too, only he was in his office doing whatever he was doing. Pride insisted I sat on the floor alone and not admitting to myself how lonely and desperate I was for somebody to talk to. My mind navigated back to Dillan again. I couldn’t help it. He was here every night and suddenly, he was gone. How was I supposed to get used to this? Stupid, loathsome rodent, this is all your fault.

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