Potty Training

Chapter Two

1857 is the year toilet paper was invented I know this because my I have no idea how many greats grandfather invented it. I don't really like to share that with people only my family knows. All they know is my family is rich and I am some stuck-up little bitch. I don't like to think about it much because I know they were right once.

I get up and throw my duvet off my bed my feet ache once I get up. I go into my kitchen to make coffee it is nearly the afternoon. I sip my coffee as I watch TV I love trashy TV. Any kind of teen drama show I am all for it. My stomach growls I get up and begin making chicken ramen. It has been one of my favorite foods since I was like four.

I let it cool while I brush my teeth to get rid of coffee breath. I hear my phone ding from my room I just know it's Emily. I spit out my toothpaste and wipe off my mouth.

I can't believe you ditched me...

You never invited me. I send back.

I don't know what she's doing here high school ended it might have been less than a month ago. I'm still ready to move on from it and focus on getting my shit together. I never really thought about what I wanted to be. I use to write little stories all the time just to escape. I became a pretty big bitch freshman year I was who I never wanted to be.

I can't explain why I can't give anyone an answer to why I was who I was. Maybe I just thought that pretending to be some horrible person was easier. So everyone wouldn't like me and I guess I thought I was protecting myself. I was stupid so fucking stupid clearly all my "friends" suck ass.

I change out of my pajamas into a different outfit. I put on jeans and an old shirt from summer camp. I set up my lamps and lights and prop my phone. I do my make up and pull my hair into a ponytail.

"Hey, guys so today I thought I would try baking. I'm a horrible baker I thought I would give it a shot. First, we're gonna go to my favorite store target."

I turn off my phone camera and put on my black converse. I grab my purse and keys and set up my phone in the car.

"So we're gonna go right now I am going to sorta film myself driving."

I try my best to talk and drive I must look crazy. I have seen people do this so many times they make it look easy.Like my favorite youtuber, his name is Nick Dun. He is as famous as people like Shane Dawson. Hell, they're even friends. I don't talk the rest of the drive at a red light I pull my phone off the dash.

I park and hold my phone out and press record.

"So I'm here let's try not to get kicked out."

I don't film while I walk instead I check my last video. Twenty views that's more than I thought I would get. I copy a link and tweet it the one place my old "friends" don't follow me.

"So, guys here we are, everyone's favorite place and mine."

I film a few aisles and talk some more I'm really getting good at this.

"Yes, guys the baking stuff!" I get my things to make cookies.

"Whoops forgot a cart." I walk back to the front and drop my things in a cart.

"Okay so turns out I have a few errands to run guys."

I get some shampoo, soap, toothpaste, I get some makeup.

"Haha just for fun, you know mascara is important."

I even get a few snack items hot Cheetos my favorite.

"I got a movie night planned with the most important person other than my best friend me." I laugh at my stupid joke.

"So now it's time to go home."

I put my phone away and get in line while in line I look through the magazines. Nothing interesting just like my every day to day life. I throw a pack of gum on the belt while I wait for the middle-aged lady to ring up the other middle-aged lady.

"Did you find everything you need?" she asked. Her voice tired and flat her hair pulled up into a tight ponytail.

"Yes."

"Good."

I pay ten cents per two bags because I forgot my reusable bags. As I walk out the smell of pretzels hits my nose. I'm brought back to the year 2005 I was only five years old. Mom would come shopping here to get away from my dad. I didn't know that then at least she wasn't hooking up with her husband's best friend.

As I load up in the car an idea hits me, Emily, left a bottle of alcohol at my place. Drunk baking people would love it I hope. I drive home and quickly go inside hoping to find the bottle. It's a bottle of white wine because she knows it's all I can drink.

I set up in the kitchen and make sure everything looks right.

"Okay, so I'm gonna be spicing things up a little." I pull out the bottle.

"I know I know I know...it's only wine but for me, that's spicy. Okay?"

I open up the bottle and take a drink right from the bottle. I follow the recipe while taking drinks I've drunk only a little bit. I can't really get drunk but it's for the video. I don't feel safe being drunk with an oven on.

While they bake I go sit on my couch and turn on my TV.  Someone commented on my video two people.

Keep posting! New Sub.

I get excited, someone liked it I thought it was pretty boring and bland. I'm in a good mood as I watch my shitty teen show. The timer I don't remember setting goes off and I rush back to my kitchen. 

"Okay now let's try them!" I take a bite and the warm chocolate is nostalgic.

"Damn those are good, Haven't had em in a while." I almost forget I'm on camera.

"So that's it I guess sorry I didn't get drunker. Add me on snapchat I will add you back and follow my Instagram. Both are in my bio."

I take another bite.

"Oh, shit yeah bye." I laugh.

I turn off my camera my phone is almost dead because I didn't charge it all night. I turn off the oven and lay on the couch I edit my video. It takes longer because this video I like it. I can be me here I don't have to be scared of being judged. After an hour my video is finally ready I upload it to youtube and hope for the best.

I add a link to the video on Twitter and put a link to my twitter in the video bio.   I go about my day I keep thinking about how exciting it is that I'm trying to do big things. A year ago I thought my life would be boring, basic but now I have a shot at doing something bigger than myself. Maybe just maybe, I could even write my first novel.