Tiny Fronts With A Big Background

Story Time

Whenever I wake all I can say when I look at my reflection in the mirror is : I looked like utter sh*t , I feel like utter sh*t , and no matter how hard I try to ignore the pain...it feels as if I dug my way out of the gutter but I'll always find my way back later.
I hate  way people stare at me as if I was a mistake that they are dying to erase.Every corridor I turn there is always someone to make my head feel heavy on my shoulders , causing them to make a big slope as I bow my head down in shame.
My head races with a million thoughts , my heart always becomes numb after my tears become hard to shed , my body becomes sore with the consequences of a 'diet' that leaves my stomach growling for more food.
To say that I am crazy after I say this , I wouldn't blame you. I envy babies. Why? Because they have yet to endure the crucial living expenses of the world. Because they are so pure and I am not. Because they are a miracle and as I would like to say...I am a zombie walking.
I have felt nothing but rage towards myself and respect for people who can stand up for themselves. Is it crazy that I know I'm falling in my own bed that I made messy when K could've made in neatly?
Sometimes I think "fairytale my foot." The wonderful dream that's put inside of most of our observer-like minds. Of one day all of our problems would find away and we will get to go to an amazing ballroom , dance with our prince/princess , have kids , never to face the consequences of the world , to live carefree and confident , and to have our happily ever after.
For most it has happened but for me..it has yet to be.