August 12th (two days earlier)
The sun sprayed across the room through the curtains until it was shining directly into his eyes. The intense brightness combined with the effects of alcoholic over-indulgence woke him with a start. As soon as he reached consciousness, he immediately regretted it and tried to withdraw back to sleep, as if that was possible. Restlessness haunted him all night and now he knew there would be no peace for another day.
A constant tightness in his chest caused by stress seemed only to subside with heavy drinking and laughter. Lately there had been little to laugh about. Painful memories could be extinguished with the sound of music and the cold chill of whiskey. At least that’s what he rationalized to himself. It required a lot less effort to sit at the bar at the ‘Sundowner’ than to exercise and jog like his colleagues recommended. They hadn’t yet learned how being a federal agent could wreck your life. They were all at least fifteen years his junior and believed they had a bright future. He didn’t tell them otherwise but he also didn’t shield them from the job realities.
Paul Kyle was in a rut. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt satisfaction from his job in the bureau. His last successful lead on a major bust was ages ago, months if not years. Advancement seemed out of the question. His skills were too specialized to be of value in the private-sector and he lacked both financial means and willingness to take risks necessary to start his own company. The path of least resistance was simply to continue his existence for three more years and retire on a decent pension. He couldn’t afford to screw that up.
Last night was sparked off with an argument with his ex over the fees of a new school she wanted their two kids to transfer to. Drama! Why did she want them to attend an arts school and learn drama? In today’s world you had to be well grounded. He’d seen too many kids with their heads in the clouds resort to crime because they didn’t have any sense or skill to lead a legitimate life. He wanted no part in assisting his kids down that path. He was less worried about Matthew, his 14-yr old son. Matt had a good head on his shoulders and seemed to understand he’d have to carve out his own path and not be led by his mother and grandmother. He talked a lot with Matthew and was comfortable with what he wanted in life and how he would go about getting it. His daughter Jessica was a different matter altogether.
Jess was six years old when Paul and Monica separated. They fought and argued constantly in the year prior to that. In Paul’s mind, Monica seemed to change what she wanted from him. He didn’t feel he could change, nor did he want to. He wanted to be a good agent. But they both knew that being a good agent was not going to lead to a better and more carefree lifestyle, and now, this was important to Monica. She expected Paul to advance more regularly and when he didn’t, she felt stagnation creeping in and her impatience grew. The tension between them was felt by the kids. They stopped doing things as a family. Being more dependent on her parents, Jess’s world turned upside down and she suffered from a loss of security. Now at ten, she was rebellious and dressed like a 16-yr old gothic creature from a bad B-movie. Her attitude and language drove her mother into despair which transferred into blame aimed at Paul. Paul felt he deserved the blame. Why couldn’t they make the marriage work? Why were the kids being punished as well?
As much as Paul wanted a drink, he knew today was important so he would have to forge on throughout the day on best behavior. Agents from the Salt Lake City field office were coming in today but very little was known of the purpose. His supervisor, Larry, made it clear that all agents in town needed to be in for the briefing at 9:30 sharp. It took seventy-five minutes to get through the Los Angeles traffic to his office and he needed to finish his weekly reports before the meeting. His personal life demanded he put the bureau activities aside for a couple of days over the weekend. Just one more day to get through. The last thing he remembered shouting at Monica last night was that he would see her at 10:00 am Saturday to discuss this further. It was clear they weren’t going to reach an agreement on the phone and the background noise at the 'Sundowner' was only fueling Monica’s insistence. Why was he being forced to support a change of school for his children? Weren’t things going OK in the current school? In reality he had no idea. As hard as it was to admit, he knew his chats with the kids were less than probing. He wanted to care about their lives but he also know he lacked the time and the patience with their mom to dig up any problems that would require his involvement. This was another point if irritation with Monica.
