First Degree

Chapter 4: Why Dont You Love Me

I walked into my home and it was pitch black. It didn't seem like a soul was living in this home.

I was actually grateful he wasn't in sight. I felt more comfortable in this big house alone than with my husband.

I walked up the stairs holding the rail as I walked up. I pushed open our bedroom door and it was empty. It looked untouched.

I took a quick shower and threw on my robe. I walked down to the kitchen and decided to make lunch for myself. I usually just do Chick Fil A around this time but I'm honestly not in the mood.

"Babe." I jumped at the sound of his voice behind me. I quickly turned around and saw Liam standing there looking like he had been drinking a little.

"Liam why'd you have to embarrass me like that?!" I was ready to cry once again. He walked towards me and embraced me into a hug.

"Genesis I'm so sorry, honey." He cried in my chest as I held him. I started crying at the sight of me being drugged in front of everyone. Then my bare body was being attacked by this New York breeze. It's supposed to snow tonight. That's how cold it is.

"You left me there to practically freeze to death." I cried softly. He looked up at me with hurt in his eyes. He kissed every single one of my tears away.

"Let's just go take a nap and hold each other." He suggested. I couldn't give in that easily.

"It's not that easy, Liam. My body is still cold from being outside naked." My tears started to run down my face again. I pried myself out of his arms and just didn't want to eat lunch anymore. I walked upstairs and went into the guest bedroom.

"Are you seriously going to sleep in the guest room?" He asked. I ignored him and pulled the soft Chanel sheets back on the Queen sized bed. They felt so soft. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had any of his sluts in this room.

"Can I lay?" He asked as he watched me strip down from my robe and crawl into bed.

"I want to be alone." I said.

He didn't listen to that. He crawled into bed behind me and softly kissed the tattoos on my shoulder. I still loved the touch of him.

"Why don't you love me?" I asked him. A single tear fell onto my pillow as he lied silently behind me.

"I do love you." He spoke against my bare skin.

"If you did you wouldn't cheat on me, hit me, or embarrass me the way that you do." I was really crying now. He tried turning me over to face him but I wouldn't move.

"I'm tired of seeing you out with different women and I have to act like I'm okay with it. I've never cheated on you. I've never embarrassed you the way you've done me." I was angry now.

"I'm sorry, Gen. I'm sick. Can we start over?" He was crying with me. I turned over to face him. He was crying his eyes out.

"Go get help, Liam." I told him.

"I tried taking those classes but they only made me madder." He confessed.

"Well if you can't handle the class I don't think we can keep doing this." I admitted.

He instantly stopped crying and stared at me. He looked confused.

"Are you trying to divorce me?" He asked. I tensed up by the change in his mood. I didn't know if he wanted to punch me or slap me at this point.

"I love you so much, Liam. I love you more than I love myself clearly. I just want you to do me right and appreciate the wife you have." I said.

"Starting right now I am going to appreciate my wife." He said.

We have been through all of this before. He does good for about two weeks and then he's back to fucking those nasty whores and hitting me for getting mad.

He never sticks to his word.

"I love you." I told him as I made myself comfortable in his chest.

"I love you too, Gen. How about we go out for a movie later?" He asked.

I was shocked because he never takes me out just because. He's really not now. He just wants to make it up to me.

"Justice League?" I asked.

Liam isn't into the superhero movies like me. He's more into films like A Walk to Remember. You would think I would be the one to watch those movies. Honestly I love action and horror films.

"Anything you want to see." He kissed my forehead and moved down to my lips.

"Let me go to sleep." I begged. I felt the bed move as he got up to leave. I suddenly felt lonely in the cold bed.

"Wake me up at 5." I told him.

"Okay my Queen." He said before leaving.

*******

I applied my new Fenty beauty makeup for my date tonight. I didn't bother with any lipstick because it would take away from my lip piercing.

I was a simple girl actually. Liam always took me on red carpets with him but I mean he had to. I'm his wife. He always chose the most expensive dress for me. A dress that the next woman could fit her sinful body into.

Right now I wanted to be comfortable. I wore my Fashion Nova jeans, Ralph Lauren sweatshirt, and my new grey Yeezys. My dreads hung down past my shoulders. I loved my dreads but Liam always tell me I need to cut them and wear wigs until my hair grows back.

Dreads are a part of me. They represent my life in Jamaica. I would never cut my dreads. Not even for my husband. 

"Ready?" I heard him on the other side of the door. I grabbed my phone off the bed and saw one missed call from my mom.

My heart stopped. She only calls on holidays. I was excited yet worried to hear from her.

"Yes, Liam." I told him.

I walked out while dialing my mom's number.

"Who are you calling?" He asked curiously.

"My mom." I said but he snatched the phone from me.

And the abuse begins again. He put my phone in his jacket pocket.

"You don't need to talk to her. She's only here to ruin our marriage." He said.

I simply kept quiet. I hung my head low as I walked down the stairs behind him. I thought about pushing him down the stairs and causing him to break his neck but I wasn't prepared for the consequences.

Then again I could flea back to Jamaica and stay on the run until I get caught.

I'll never know because I don't have the balls to stand up for myself.