Young Blood Chronicles feat. One Direction [Parody]

Part 1: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up)

Summer nights are supposed to be beautiful, filled with fireflies and warm breezes. However, this particular summer night was just plain stiflingly hot. No piece of the sky could be seen, all hidden away by dark clouds foreshadowing the horrors about to ensue. A hazy fog had settled in the area. No sounds could be heard except the annoying, good-for-nothing cicadas and the sound of grass being crunched under heavy shoes. These heavy shoes belonged to a man. A man so punk, a man so indie that all of the hipster girls on Tumblr reblogged his pictures. He popped the collar on his leather jacket.

"I don't think you wanna know me, boys," he whispered to himself, chuckling at his own reference and flicking a cigarette bud to the ground.

This frightening man? This man with an alarming amount of kerosene in his possession? The man with a van strangely filled with CDs and posters and a variety of things of One Direction? His name was Alex Turner, of course.

A pile of branches lay scattered on the ground. It only took Turner a minute to drench it all with the flammable liquid. Following this, he took a match box out of his back pocket and dramatically lit it, holding it dangerously close to his face and giving a dramatic look towards the distance. The match was thrown in the stick pile, lighting it all up in the fire to burn. Out in the distance in God knows where, Smokey the Bear had a heart attack.

Two menacing, rather attractive women with perfect ponytails arrived out of nowhere, carrying all of the One Direction merchandise. The three humans joyfully threw it all into the flames and gleefully watched it all burn. Records of Midnight Memories and cardboard cutouts of Niall Horan's face and bottles of overpriced perfume all melted and crumbled away in the inferno. Soon, Alex picked up a flamethrower to reinforce his mysterious hatred of the band. He laughed while the women strutted towards the van.

Inside was the boy band itself, tied up and slightly angry. "They ruined my hair," one of them groaned.

A/N: This is my first time writing in a while. Please be gentle with me, I am a sensitive soul. If I write more, will people read it?