What I Like About You (Lashton)

9

AN:

I'm updating before midnight! Yay!!

Lol. I had bad writer's block yesterday. Sorry if my chappies suck!

Thanks for reading always, vote and comment please <3

Kat x

~~~~~

Luke's POV

As we arrive back at my flat, Ashton remains silent and reserved. Michael is first to the door, he gives Ashton a big hug.

"We were so worried about you Ashton... You could've gotten lost!" He says. Ashton is still quiet.

Calum joins us, looking sullen.

"I have some news guys." He says.

We walk into my room and sit around. What could the news be? It's obviously not anything good... Could this be about Ashton?

"So..." He starts. "I got a call from Adam."

Ashton's POV

This definitely can not be good. After my performance today... I'm probably getting kicked out.

Calum continues.

"He told me some things." He says, making eye contact with no one.

I'm getting kicked out for sure.

"He suggested that we... find a... substitute drummer for tour. Just until Ashton regains his skills for drums." He says.

Luke goes pale, and Michael looks plain sad.

"Are you... Are you kicking me out?" I say.

"No, Ash! We're just finding a sub for you! Unless you can play drums like you used to, because we can't cancel tour..." Calum says.

I stand up, and so does Luke, he guards the doorway.

"You can't run off again." He says, shaking his head.

"Can I please go to the bathroom, Luke?" I say, slightly annoyed.

"Just use the one in here." He says, still blocking the doorway.

"I would like to take a shower... There isn't a shower in this one. Can I go now?"

He sighs and steps to the side, allowing me to get out. As I walk slowly to the bathroom, I can feel Luke's wary eyes following me.

I close the door and look at myself in the mirror. I don't see myself.

I see a tired boy, on the verge of tears. A memory-lacking boy with damp clothes and hair, who doesn't deserve this position in 5 Seconds Of Summer.

They would be the same without Ashton Irwin, they'd done it before. It would be no different without me.

I sure enjoyed being in this band. It was fun while it lasted - I should've known it would come to an end.

I should've seen it coming all along.

At the moment I feel numb. So numb. Why did I even fall?

My eyes flick to a shaving razor on the counter. It would be so easy to remove the blade.

I pick it up, and after a few mintes of weaseling around and slicing my fingers, I have the blade free.

I then notice that I've started crying. The tears stream down my face as I give myself one last pained look in the mirror.

As I'm about to make the first slice, a knock at the door interrupts me. It's Luke.

"Ashton? Are you okay in there? I thought you were gonna shower..."

An involuntary sob escapes my mouth.

"I'm... I'm fine." I say. My voice holds obvious sorrow.

"You're crying, of course you're not fine. Should I come in?" He says, it sounds like he's gripped the doorknob.

I panic, staring at the blade in my hand.

"No! Go away, don't come in!" I frantically say as the doorknob turns slowly.

"Ashton-" Luke opens the door to see the wretched sight that I must be right now.

We hold eye contact for a long while. His mouth is open like he wants to say something, but can't.

"I'm sorry..." I say.

My words seem to snap him out of his trance, and he steps forard and grips the wrist of the hand holding the blade.

"Were you going to hurt yourself?" His grip tightens as he speaks quietly.

I chew my bottom lip and look everywhere but his blue eyes, which are staring intently at mine.

"I... I was..." I sigh. "Yes." I whisper, finally meeting his gaze.

I swear, I could see Luke's heart shatter at that moment. His expression turn to a worried one.

He pulls me into a hug, and I feel him shaking. Since he's taller than me, my head fits just below his chin.

The blade falls to the ground and I hug him back, tightly. We stand there for about a few minutes.

"Luke, I'm sorry. Don't cry, I didn't even do it ye-"

"But you were about to! Ashton, you were gonna hurt yourself!" He pulls away quickly, looking angry and sad.

"Don't get mad at me Lukey, please." I say, frowning and looking down.

He tilts my head up with his hand and looks me in the eyes.

"Please, Ash, Don't try it again. Lets go, the boys have gone home." He says and leads me back to his room.

"It's getting late. You should lay down." He tells me. "You can sleep here. I'll take the mattress on the floor."

I climb under the covers and face the wall, I can't look at Luke without feeling guilty. I've let him down.

He switches off the light and I hear him lay on the mattress sitting on the floor.

"Night, Ashton." He whispers. I can tell he's upset.

"Goodnight." I quietly say.

+++

A few hours pass and I still lay awake, staring at the wall.

My hand moves to touch my wrist. I could've hurt myself if Luke wasn't there...

He saved me from doing it.

I always hear how easy it is to get addicted to cutting. It all could've started tonight if Luke wasn't there to save me. He's always there to save me.

When I ran off and got lost.

When I had a panic attack.

When I almost cut myself.

He was always there.

I hear him shifting and pretend to be asleep. I close my eyes and steady my breathing.

He stands up and stretches, his back cracking in multiple spots.

He walks over near the bed and quietly climbs in next to me, draping his arm over my side.

I wonder if he can feel the butterflies in my stomach.

Why do I have butterflies?

I've always felt attracted to Luke but... Not at all like this. This feels like something I've never experienced before.

Luke is straight, as far as I know...

But am I?