Thoughts

Depression

It was only for a day or two, but i thought it was over. I thought maybe i had come over my depression.
I believed it and jubilated. Jumped from inner joy. But with one moment, i realized it never left.
And never will. For i am cursed.

I will never explain how i feel. I have decided i'd rather let the people try and figure it out until i die. But i fear for so many things. Things incomprehensible.
I'm scared.
I won't dare ask for help. It makes others hate me, and me hate myself more. People look down on me, because i look down on myself.
People call me wise, when i'm actually giving myself the advice. Speaking from what i think is now a sick heart. Twisted with dark wretched vines and dry dirt.
My soul has left me. I feel dead.

I haven't even given myself a chance.

It's not that nothing makes me happy. I can't blame anything else than myself.
My guess is life is just being painfully fair.
Nothing bad has ever happened in my life. No broken arms. No physical sickness. Nobody i loved has ever died.
I'm not poor.
I'm talented.
I have loving parents.
I guess that is why life has decided to burden me with something that doesn't make sense.
I'm not good with words.

Forgive me, mother. Father.
I sometimes hate you.