Table x reader

4

Btw I know like nothing about hospitals so apologies if anything's wrong.

Random doctor's POV (let's call him George; sorry to any Georges out there)

I walked to the patient's room. Being the immature 23-year old I am, I chuckled when I saw the room number of 420. I regained my composure and cleared my throat as I walked into the room. I saw them staring at the table near the door, unaware of my presence. Ahh, I see they've fallen for this big boi, I thought, chuckling. As much as Carrie (his gf that's a nurse at that very hospital who practices polygamy with inanimate objects and one man and knows nothing about her job) loved him, I could tell that this girl's feelings were stronger. Carrie was a cheater anyway. She was 'in love' with a butter knife, paperback cover of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone, that table, a wooden basket, a basketball named Fred (Fred and George thing totally unintentional), a doorknob, and myself. Of course, I didn't count because everyone (unless they're single losers like the author) dated both a person and inanimate object(animals and plants don't count because they're alive). Basically polygamy but not polygamy.

"I see you've gained feelings for Table-kun, eh? Ahhh, young love~" I commented with a smile. They squeaked and their face turned red.

"N-no, it's not what it looks like! I just find that table really interesting and I was admiring it, but not in that way, I swear! I promise I'm not insane!" they protested, waving their arms in front of their face.

"Why would I think you're insane? Everyone falls in love someday, even if it's only one-sided. Or is this your first time?" I said gently. Their eyes widened.

"You don't find it odd that I was ogling over a table?! And you didn't have to phrase the last part that way." They mumbled the last part into their hospital gown with a red face.

"I find it odd that you think loving a table is weird. My girlfriend is in love with that table! I just won't let her date it because she's already trying to date about ten other things," I said with a laugh. The patient's eyes widened.

"You mean Emil isn't the only one...?" they asked in a soft voice.

"Who's that?"

"Oh! Emil's my best friend! He's always been in love with a fridge, and I think he's crazy, but he swears he's not the only one," they explained with a smile.

"You find that odd? I doubt there's anything wrong with you, maybe you were just raised differently, but everyone either has an inanimate object as a romantic partner or has feelings for one. They can also date other people without it being considered cheating, but I believe it's harder to get a living girl or boyfriend than a non-living one, don't you think?" The patiebt stared at me in shock and horror as if I had just grown huge heads.

"I'm either on drugs or I'm having a bloody weird dream," she said. I laughed.

"Regardless of whether or not one of those is the case, how about you take this table since you love him so much?" I suggested.

"O-oh no! I couldn't! You need that table here!" they tried to protest.

"Oh, it's no big deal! I can't separate you from your true love! We've given away tons of tables to people in love with them! We have loads of extras! Please, I insist!"

"Alright," they said with a smile.

"Anyway, I think it's time for you to leave with your new boyfriend." I winked. They blushed before walking over to the table and kissing its shiny surface.

"I suppose so. And since I'm going to be undressing to change," their face turned completely red, "Could you have a female nurse come in if I'm taking too long? I might, err, not be able to resist." I laughed and gave them a thumbs up.

"Alright! I completely understand! In fact, I can sort of relate!" I said, leaving them with a 'what the actual heck' look.

Edit 12/14/22: Edited it to be more gender neutral as well as changed the wording of a sentence or two