Diary of a Female Soldier

My Life Sucks

1.1.2016

So... They said I need to write a diary.

Seriously.

They claim that I have problems because of my work in the field.

Seriously. What are they thinking? That I am that weak?

Sometimes I wonder if they're soft with me just because I'm a woman.

On second thought, they aren't soft with me. They're tough.

Anyway, maybe this is an opportunity to take away some of what I have on my heart.

My name is Alexis Miller. A special forces soldier. Service number 8185206. I joined the army on February, 25, 2015, when I was twenty.

I never wanted to be a soldier. I mean, not before I met him - my first boyfriend. His name was Leo, and I met him when I was 18.

He was a special forces soldier as well, and (literally) penetrated into me the values ​​of the army.

I didn't knew yet what I wanted from my life. I didn't do anything - I was a lazy girl who knew nothing about her life.

I met him by accident - Maya, my best friend in civilian life, wanted us to go to the bar. When I arrived, she kindly told me that she won't be able to come because her boyfriend came over to her house (I said she was my best friend?...)

So I decided to get out of the bar and walk a bit.

Then I saw him.

He was wearing his uniform, of course - his khaki uniform that showed how muscular he was under it.

He looked at me and gave me a shiny smile, made sure his military cap was firmly placed on his head before he approached me with sure steps that only soldiers knew how to do.

"Oi, you. It's not safe to walk around at times like this." He said, looking me up and down.

I replied with a smile of my own and said, "Don't you have more important things to do, soldier?"

"My job is to protect the citizens. You are a citizen of the state, or am I wrong?" He raised his eyebrows, amusement in his eyes.

"Shut it." I said, pursing my lips with annoyance.

He laughed and then said in a more serious tone, "I'm serious, it's not safe to walk around at such hours. Do you have a way to get home?"

"I'll walk." I said with a shrug.

"Or..." He said, and smiled his dazzling smile again, "Let me walk you home."

And from there it all began.

We were together for a year and a half. I was sure I was happy every time he came home. We had long conversations about life, what it meant to be a soldier, and he would tell me a little bit of what he could tell me about life on the field.

I wanted to hear more. I wanted to experience what he experienced - the brotherhood of the soldiers, the cooperation on the field, the feeling that you're contributing to the state.

As the time pass I discovered that I was playing with the idea of ​​joining the army. But as soon as I told him that he was angry and said it wasn't a place for a woman like me.

I think that's where when we started to distance from each other, even though I denied it. I loved him as much as I had never loved a man before, and I wouldn't give up on him easily.

But then we broke up because he didn't knew how to keep his cock in his pants. He banged behind my back one of the whores who was with him at the base - one of the women he said wasn't suitable to be in the field, but apparently suitable for sucking his little cock.

What a sight for the eyes.

And yet he still seems to have left something inside me - the desire to serve my country and protect it.

Six months after we broke up, I told my parents that I'm joining the army. Of course my father didn't take it in very good - the though of their only daughter would join the army? There are enough people in the army, he told me, enough people that enlist every day.

"But that's exactly the problem," I told him, "if everyone thinks someone else will join the army, no one will do it. And then who will protect us?"

He wouldn't listen to me. But then Mother spoke to him.

Mother knew how important it was to me. I finally had a purpose in life, and she saw the light in my eyes every time I talked about the army and all the tests I had begun to undergo, and the arduous training I had undergone in order to achieve sufficient fitness.

She managed to convince him somehow, and thanks to her, I managed to say goodbye to them properly before I left them.

And that's how I found myself here, a special forces soldier, who forced to write in a lousy diary to prove my sanity.

until next time,

Lexi.