Never Again (Harry Styles)

Chapter 3- Explaining

I looked at him and we met eyes. I was unable to keep contact and looked away back towards the lake. "This is where I attempted suicide."(End Chapter2, Started Chapter 3) I said sounding confident for one of the first times in a long while. I stood startling Harry.

I walked over to the edge carefully looking at the lone tree that barely hung onto the earth. "I had debated how I was going to do it for a long time. I thought about hanging myself from the trees. Or bleeding to death. Or taking pills. Then I remembered how thrilling jumping into the lake was. Some of my happiest times were here. So on July 29, 2010 late that night I just- jumped." I was looking down at the water watching as it churned against the rocks.

"They found me a few hours later on the other side of the lake. No one had known I was depressed. Or bullied. No one knew. And facing my family after was one of the worst things in the world. I was never looked at the same again." I paused letting out a loud sigh, "That was why I left. I couldn't stand being there anymore. Please, don't tell anyone. No one knows. Not even Liam. He had already gone to the X Factor." I spun suddenly the thought of anyone else finding out coming to a hurtful reality. I couldn't stand being judged. That's why I never got close to people. Was because I never was able to stand judging eyes. I was surprised that when I looked at Harry. There was no judgement. Only acceptance, sadness, and love. Pure love. That was an emotion that I hadn't seen in a long while. Well, directed at me of course.

Harry who was watching me from the blankets stood once walking towards me. "I would never betray your trust like that. I won't tell anyone. Liam looks at you like a sister you know. I think he deserves to know but if you don't want to then you don't have to. I won't say anything. I'm just happy that you would trust me with that kind of information." Harry said softly.

"Thank you." I breathed softly.

Then Harry hugged me. His arms were wrapped around my body. His large hands were on my back near my waist. I was stunned for a moment. I hadn't been hugged in a long time. Then I carefully hugged him back. It was probably one of the most awkward hugs in the world. It wasn't loving, or endearing, or joyful, or reassuring, or mourning, or even sad. It was just a hug. It was just two friends holding each one another.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into his shoulder.

"There's nothing to apologize for." Harry muttered.

When we pulled away a few minutes later the sun had already set. It was getting darker and we both looked at each other in the near darkness. "Let's go inside. There should be some frozen pizzas in the kitchen." I said carefully.

I had realized that Harry was probably hungry. I bent over carefully gathering the pillows and blankets in my arms. Harry opened the door for me letting me in following after me.

"You can find the pizza." I said and walked towards the living room. Too lazy to put them away properly.

When I went back into the kitchen Harry was fiddling with the oven. "It should be done in about 20 minutes." I nodded.

"Are you needed anywhere tomorrow?" I asked.

Harry shrugged, "Not that I know of."

"Ok, I was just wondering if I was going to have to use the car or call a taxi." I answered. I then began to work on the fireplace. We had firewood in here and it was always open. I don't know why but it was but it was useful for me.

"Harry, would you get me my purse please?" I asked politely. If I was going to eat I might as well take my pills.

"Um, where is it?"

"Kitchen counter." I answered.

Harry turned and came back passing me my bag. "I might as well take these if you are going to know about everything." I took out the pill bottle. I re-read the bottle carefully like I would for every time that I did take them.