Do you ever feel like you just fucked up your life? I mean, like seriously fucked up your future. Not just saying something stupid in front of someone you like or acting a fool when you weren't meant to, leading to you wanting to go live under a rock for the next year or so, but more like doing something that not only affects you but people around you. Well, if you haven't, you are already doing way better in life than me.
I was the girl that was supposed to do something with her life. Leave to a good college, graduate, become a successful lawyer or doctor, and come back to town to show people what I had become. I was supposed to be the pride and joy of my family. Ya know? But on the contrary, I am nothing. That illusion that everybody built up of me was just pure fantasy.
This was my last year of high school I had applied to Brown, Harvard, UCLA and many more colleges. My grades were immaculate. Who would deny a girl with straight A's , more than decent scores, leadership skills,service hours, and to top it of phenomenal recommendations?
I remember getting a few letters back but the most important one, from Harvard. It stated that I would go to an interview, then I would later receive another letter stating whether I accepted or not. I remember being elated just with the idea of them taking the time to reach out to me.
Anyways, my interview would be the week before our last day of high school. If I only knew how stupid I could be. But I didn't know, and when the time came for my interview I chickened out like I always do and didn't show up. I'm not sure what came over me but I couldn't get myself to do it. Now that I think about it, I may have had a panic attack. Well maybe not and it's just a way of me coping with myself for what I did. But considering I'm not sure what a panic attack feels like it probably wasn't. It took me until the next morning to realize what I had done.
The worst part of it all was telling my parents. How was I going to tell them that their 'perfect' daughter had just fucked up her future? Like I had presumed, they did't take it very well, I guess you can say that, if you count being kicked out of the house and basically being disowned from the family 'not taking it that well' than yes, they weren't happy.
Now I'm stuck in Community College having to work part time to pay for bills and food.
