I Fear Myself More Than I Fear You

Loving Mother

Simon never returned to sleep after his incident last night. Although now that the sun was shining through his window he calmed down. His voices quieting as the darkness left him. Left his town.
Now he could concentrate. But his hands kept shaking uncontrollably. He was sure he was becoming another heavy burden to this girl that trapped herself in his brain.
But her words 'I'll see you tomorrow' reassured him. At least she wanted to see him...

Or did she feel like she had to? He desperately prayed to himself, 'please..please don't be another Sophie..'

But this girl was much better than what he'd seen in Sophie. She shared her heart with him. They had their scars. She wasn't afraid of him. Afraid of his music, his style, his many night terrors.
She was like another half that he felt was missing. (Name) was his sanity..

.....

Today he remembered his plan. He was going to invite her over for the first time. That's why he was shaking. Afraid of what would be said with his mother.

He intentionally skipped his breakfast, his appetite failing him. He walked into the living room, sitting in a cushioned chair opposite to his mother, who was reading the latest newspaper articles.
He was quiet for a while, only mumbling a 'good morning'

He kept running over an imaginary script in his head, on what he would say.

"Hey, mom?" He turned to her.

She lifted her head to him, smiling very sweetly. "Yes, honey?"

He clasped his hands together, rubbing his knuckles. Being his mother she was all too familiar with her son's inability to concentrate on conversations. He was never social.
She waited for him to continue, patiently smiling.

"I was wondering... I would like to have a friend over." His voice fell quiet at the end. Like he was scared of her response.

She brightened up. "Oh, is it Sophie?"
He flinched and closed his eyes for a moment, pushing that thought back far into his head.

"No mom, not her."
Her smile fell a little. "David?" She mentioned his older friend. Who he had not talked to since school was out. He shook his head.

"No. Not David.."

His mother set the paper beside her on the coffee table. "Simon, you made a new friend?" Her smile widened again.

He nodded very slow, looking at the floor. "I've been seeing her a lot lately... She asked to come over."

"Her?? You were out late last night with another girl??" Concern dripped in her voice, almost accusingly.

His face burned a bit at what she was implying. "M-mom she's just a f-friend. I met her last month on the train.."

She settled back in her chair, still smiling. "Well, that's wonderful! I'd love to meet her."
He looked back into her brown eyes, that matched his own. Taking her cheerful response as a yes.

Simons lips tugged upward in a semi-smile. "Thanks..mom. She'll be over today."

...................

Even after his mother's positive approval of the new female he was letting into his life, he was still unbelievably nervous.

He felt as if every word that would fall from his mouth would embarrass him.. He didn't realize at first, but he was so utterly desperate to impress (name)

He looked in the mirror in his room. Simple black long sleeve sweatshirt, gray sweatpants, fingerless gloves, and his black boots. Maybe an odd looking outfit, but he only wore what covered his butchered limbs. Next, he combed his dark black hair with his fingers. It didn't help in any way.
His hair was always a mess, tufts of hair sticking in out all directions, straight with no flow to it.