I Fear Myself More Than I Fear You

Calming my Violence

"Please remember Simon, if anything happens. Or if you need something, just come by. I promise I'll be here." (name) spoke sweetly to him. Her voice rung softly in his ears.

Here he was again, laying in bed, neck outstretched staring out into the night beyond his windowpane.  He was at it again. Sleepless, his brain filled with his own voices.

He would wonder off to a hellish place again and again. The bodies, the blood... He could keep his eyes shut because of it.

If his mind wasn't in his personal hell, he would wonder why he hasn't killed himself yet. The many times he even questioned his own life. How he had abused his body with the drugs, the constant torture of blades.....the rape.

'pathetic'

again he screamed to himself.

'die already'

He clawed at his messy dark hair. 'something else, think something else'

'die'

'all I want you to do is die'

'something else'

'die'

'die'

'die'

'die'

'(name)'

Simons eyes widened. "(name)" He whispered to himself.

Suddenly his voices grew quiet and distance.

"(name)" he spoke again. The fullness of his brain depleted, not gone, but calm.

He closed his eyes tightly. "(name).." He breathed out.

The image of the younger girl imprinted into his dark vision. The fact, she had barely known him and had already shown so much sympathy and genuine kindness.

Something he hasn't experienced in a very long time. Something about her...

Calmed his hellfire to a smolder. This was his 'something else' to think about.

Maybe he wasn't ready to die yet. Maybe her view would make his life a bit more bearable.

...

Or maybe her rejection would eat out his guts like Sophie had done to him. Once was a name that would make him smile, now made him slip deep into darkness.
A happy name that now made him weep.

His hot tears wettened the pillow beneath his head.

'something else'

'(name)'

'my something else'

Something that could be good to him..

...................................................................................

(SORRY REALLY SHORT CHAPTER.. just thought I'd do another one of this poor boy's sleepless thoughts. What a cutie. )