worst ; gawsten

six

happy new year, guys. here's a new chapter to celebrate.

"Jesus Geoff, what the fuck did you say to him?"

"I don't know!" He runs a hand through his hair and slumps down on the couch behind him. "I can't remember. The whole night is a blur."

"Because you drank twice as much as you usually do."

"I was upset."

"So you decide to get blackout drunk? Like that'll solve your problems? Now we got even more shit to deal with."

"Don't you think I know that?" Geoff blows out a sigh and tilts his head back. He closes his eyes and rubs a hand over his face.

There's a black spot in his brain. That night is one huge fog, hazy and clouded and completely indistinguishable. He doesn't know what happened. He doesn't remember anything past getting to the bar and ordering that first drink. He did so many shots and ingested so much vodka that everything after is just one alcohol-infused tidal wave of nothingness.

He can't confront Awsten. He could've said anything from how bomb his dick is to the bad bouts of depression he fell into when he was younger. There's so much Awsten doesn't know, so much material for him to have confessed – he truly could've said anything.

Whatever he did say was clearly terrible if it's hurt Awsten this much. Aside from onstage every night, Geoff's barely seen him. He doesn't leave his bunk until soundcheck and goes right back to it when they're done, reappearing for Chapel's performance and their own and coming out to get food with them (sometimes) before disappearing until they do it all over again the next day.

He fucked up but he doesn't know how and he definitely doesn't know how to fix it.

"I don't know what ta do, Otto. Whatever I said fucked him up and I don't wanna make it worse."

Otto sighs. "I'll talk to him. Maybe he'll tell me."

"Don't get your hopes up."

Otto rounds on him with a glare. "Don't do that. You fucked up. Don't make shitty jokes about it not getting better 'cause this might break us and it'll be your fault."

...

He doesn't know why it's affecting him this much.

It was a stupid, drunken confession that probably didn't even mean anything. Geoff drank way too much that night. He didn't know what he was saying. He wasn't thinking clearly. He wasn't coherent. Awsten's entire world should not be turned upside down for a heat of the moment confession that probably wasn't even real.

There's just something about it. He can't quite pinpoint what it is. Something about the cheek kisses on stage and innocent fanservice flirting and jokes in interviews that makes him question it.

He initiated all of that.

It was stupid, meaningless stuff for the fans.

Geoff's quiet in interviews and doesn't say much on stage and that's always been part of his personality but he gets unnaturally quiet every time something like this happens and the more Awsten thinks about it the more he realizes Geoff definitely wasn't kidding and it definitely wasn't a heat of the moment and his bandmate for the past (almost) seven years could definitely be in love with him.

And that's when it gets harder to breathe, when his chest feels tight and his airway begins to close and his head starts to spin and he has to close his eyes and remind himself hewasdrunkhewasdrunkhewasfuckingdrunk.