Toxicity: A Living Diary of a Toxic Mind

Getting High

So now I breathe
Slowly, then all at once-
Nothing.
Taking in my surroundings
Oh how I wish you were here
I've missed you, my old friend.

The water stained red
Dripping slowly
Growing ever so slightly to a gentle rain.
I stopped feeling long ago
Before you drifted away.
Why did you leave in the first place?
You knew I needed you to stay.

She told me to give you up
To quit my bad habits
But there's no way in hell I could've managed that.
Not after everything you've gotten me through.

I hid you away for the longest time
Only to crawl back once I've fallen off the deep end
I'm addicted to your collective calm
Regretting every moment I've spent passed out on the floor
To wake up in pools of my own tears
A small, empty bottle beside me.

You take away everything that hurts me
Only to harm me in return
A pinprick to ease the pain through its own discomfort
Masking emotions with numbness
A gentle lapse in function
And it all dies away.

The comfort fades when the feeling returns
No more dulled senses to ignore the truth
A lack of sleep, a lack of motivation.
You need help.
Give up the bottle, give up the knife.
No more creating pain to forget the suffering.
The pain is temporary, but it'll last a lifetime if you let it grab hold.
Don't slip away.