When The Sky Is Too Grey

Chapter 2

Eliza closes her eyes tighter, trying to block out the screeching coming from the corner of the room. She had given up putting her hands over her ears, the infant’s cries so loud the sound reverberated through them.

She knew she should get up, knew it wasn’t fair to leave him in distress, but she was so exhausted, her body failed to cooperate, weighed down by an impending melancholy that had taken over her.

In the past, she would be up out of bed within seconds of hearing her child’s cry, that is, if Alexander hadn’t beaten her too it. But Alexander wasn’t here right now. No, he was down the hallway in his office, where she had sent him. She knew he would be able to hear little William from there, but Alexander hadn’t set foot in their bedroom since she told him of his knew sleeping arrangements.

She would find him at times leaning against the door frame, watching William asleep from afar, too frightened to cross the threshold as if doing so would shake their world even further apart.

With the other children he would have been in there with them, leaning over their cot, lifting them out to sooth them. Many times in the past she had gone looking for him in his office only to find him in their bedroom, cradling the new-born in his arms.

Yet, with William he would only dare hold him if he were downstairs and Eliza was out of the room. The times he would find his son crying and Eliza nowhere to be seen. Sometimes she would take William downstairs and leave him, just to get a break. She knew it was an awful thing to do, but there was enough help around that she knew he’d soon be seen too. And usually, it only took a minute or two before she’d hear Alexander’s office door open and the subtle sounds of him comforting the child.

William’s cries grow louder and she sighs wondering for a split second whether his sounds would still reach her if she were to shut him in the cupboard. Disgusted with such a thought she shakes herself, forcing her legs up and walks over to the crib.

A couple of days later she experienced a new blow to her heart. She had tried so carefully to keep the news of the Pamphlet away from the children. She couldn’t bare the thought of them knowing what their father had done, but it was in the public domain, and deep down she had known it would only be a matter of time.

Philip had come home with a rage in his eyes similar to his fathers. Eliza had tried to ask him what was wrong but he shook her off, blaming it on getting an "unfair" grade on his recent English paper. Eliza knew that was unlikely to be the cause and was proved right when she went through his school bag later that evening after changing his bed sheets.

She found his English paper, with his usual top grade mark. But as she went to place it back she noticed the manila coloured pages and her head swam. She knew straight away what it was. The Reynolds Pamphlet. Except it wasn't just one pamphlet - there were five. Her chest heaved as she held them in her hands, wondering how they came to be in her son’s possession.

"Mama, what are you doing?" Young Angelica's voice came from Philip’s door. She walked closer noticing the pamphlet in her mother’s hand and her eyes fell to the floor.

"Someone was handing them out at school, Philip thinks he managed to get hold of most of the copies going around." She explains.

"Right." Eliza whispered, not feeling able to say much else. She wanted to say sorry, to apologise for his wrongdoings, but she knew she wasn't to blame. No one did this except for him.

So she had grabbed the pamphlets, kissed her daughter on the cheek as she walked past her, and stormed into Alexander's office.

He looked up, startled. His wife rarely came to him anymore. His mouth dried as she slammed the multiple pamphlets on top of the paper he was writing, smudging the ink.