Secret Cure

[2]

Janet

After school...

"So where are we going?" I asked Toni. She took the drivers seat and took me on a drive around Jackson as if we haven't seen every part.

"I am taking you to the park. Like when we were little." She said smiling ridiculously. She's such a weirdo, who takes someone to the park randomly?

I laughed at her weirdness and just sat back until we reached the park.

We pulled up into the parking lot and she came around to open my door. "Oh why thank you my dear friend." I joked with her. We walked over to our favorite bench. The best, smack down in the middle of the park that has the perfect view of everything around.

When we were younger, we'd beg our parents to take us and we'd sit on the bench for hours just talking. Getting old, we'd get cabs there or sneak out and meet up. This was and is our spot.

"So why are we at our lovely bench. I hope you're finally going to propose to me." I said with a sly laugh. She side eyed me and laughed off my joke. "Seriously, why are we here, Tone?" She looked around and took in the scenery as if we don't know this park like the back of our hands.

"Remember when we were younger and we'd come here and fly those paper airplanes." She finally spoke. I laughed thinking about the one plane we flew and it landed in a birds nest. We had to climb the tree to get it back. When we reached the nest, we saw baby birds chirping. It is still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Remember when we came here and rode our bikes around the trees and along the pier." I reminisced. She slid up her jeans and showed the scar she got from when her bike hit a rock and she got the biggest cut. It is seriously gross as hell thinking about it now, but back then it was cool and funny.

We sat there for at least an hour just bonding over the times we used to have. It was very bittersweet. In one aspect, we were some adventurous, creative, crazy kids. But thinking about it too hard reminds me only of how we've lost those traits of being so fun and loose and open minded.

"We should try to have more fun and enjoy life more. Especially you, T. I understand everything you've been through, but I don't want you to stop living. You deserve a lot more than you know." I stated, now looking directly at her face.

She chuckled a little and turned toward the setting sun. "You ever notice how the sun basically dies everyday to let the moon shine. I wish I had time to feel like the sun... like I could die for someone."

I was a little scared about where this conversation was going. She's a very deep person and sometimes she connects to the world on a different level that I have yet to understand.

"You want someone to love you?" I questioned trying to understand. She shook her head.

"No, I want someone to love me enough to let me die for them. I want to be the reason someone shines. I can't allow myself to shine, and there's only one thing stopping me from being the person to let someone else shine." She turned back to me and asked if I truly understood where she was coming from.

By my silence, she went on explain it. "Loving someone is more than the world makes it seem. Think about it like this: I am in love with... you, let's say. You're depressed and can't find your way around life, but you know that I'm the person meant for you. The one thing that'll give you your joy is me having mine first. I want to have enough joy in my life to give someone some too." She explained. "I don't know, its stupid."

"No, its not. I get it." I said assuring her. The only reason I really do get it is because that is the position I am in with her. I love her and she's depressed. The big difference is I have the joy to pass onto her, I just don't have the balls to. "What'd you mean when you said that you wish you had the time, though? We have a long life ahead of us." I questioned.

She sighed and rubbed her hands against her face. "The reason I brought you here..."
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