Unbounded Derangement

The Weight of Words

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Henry's words echoed in my mind as I pondered them. Did I want to live with family? Not that Henry wasn't, but I wanted to be with blood relatives. I was never able to experience that in my life. Christmas, birthdays, Easter, any holiday that came by it was always Dad, Mom, and I; if we even celebrated it. I've never had cousins, aunts, uncles, or even grandparents. I was always told they were dead. On my dad's side of the family I knew that to be true. I had seen the graves and the family photos that burned with my old house. However on May's side I have never seen a photo, grave, or any evidence to where she even has a family outside of us.

Did I want a fresh start? No one to tease me, harass me, and no one who knew me. It all seemed like a dream, but it was reality and I had impulsively made my decision. I looked over to my Aunt. She seemed normal, a little fancy, but normal. It was a shot in the dark, I knew that but it was a chance I was willing to take. I wanted this, needed this, and I didn't care how anyone else felt about that. Not even Duncan.. He left me when I needed him the most. Yeah he stayed with me on the way to the hospital from what I knew but after that I felt like I was abandoned. As if he finding me on his back porch dying was more of a burden he needed to get rid of, like a new mother anonymously dumping her newborn off at the nearest adoption shelter. That was how I felt. It was this feeling that was going to help me make the decision of my life.

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Then pack your bags..." His retort was almost immediate, his once warm tawny hues callous and cold. I tried to read the expression on his face to see if he was serious. But nothing could be read and I found myself trapped in my own words.

"What?" I stood there perplexed at what he said, my mouth agape.

He ignored what I said, his gaze turning in my aunt's direction. "You can take her wherever you want, as long as she is okay with it. I am her legal guardian and I refuse to let her stay with you permanently. But I cannot keep her away from family. Consider it a vacation because I will be seeing you in court, April." And with that he walked out but before he could fully leave the room I had to say something to him.

"Henry please!"

The glare he gave me drove daggers into my soul; I couldn't say anything to him. I wouldn't. He was past pissed, he was absolutely livid. "Pack your bags Kayse." He growled as he walked out of the room with haste.

I looked over to April with a shocked look on my face. I had hurt him. I hadn't intended to. My eyes wandered to Duncan, his gaze trapped on the ground that held his feet. It was as if he was stuck in his own world, and the horrid expression that was plastered on his face was enough to make me look away. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, was I making the right decision? Or was I making a horrible mistake? 

"I'll talk to him Kayse. Please go pack your things as he wished." It took me a moment to realize April was speaking to me. I know she was trying to make feel better but, I couldn't help but feel like there was a motive behind it. It was like she wanted this to happen. As if she wanted Henry and I's relationship to fall apart. The smile on her face told me as much. I found myself reluctantly making the trek to my room in shame. It felt like it was just me here in the house no one else. It wasn't until I heard the faint calling of my name did I remember I wasn't alone. Duncan was still here.

"Please don't do this." I refused to look at him as I grabbed my Led Zeppelin duffel bag from the closet by its black straps. I was going. I had to now even though I started second guessing myself. I wanted this new start but I didn’t want to leave Henry. I felt like I would be saying he wasn't good enough to raise me.

"Kayse please! I'm sorry."

"If you were sorry then you wouldn't have done it." I bit back like venom from a snake. I knew I was hurting him but I didn't care. My words were by no means comparable to the pain he's put me through. I wanted him there when I was going through that. Whether I could see him or not just knowing he was by my bedside everyday like Henry would've been the comfort I needed. Not hearing from someone like Evelyn that the guy you love never came to see you when you were dying.