fool's gold ⻐ gawsten

now i'm all alone ✗

Awsten had been discharged from the hospital and told Otto that he wanted to go with him and Grace. He felt uncomfortable around Geoff, especially with how distraught he was. Awsten felt that he was unstable and needed time to himself to cope with the situation. Awsten felt horrible that he couldn't feel the love for Geoff that Geoff had felt for him. He continually told himself that it was okay to not feel it, for he didn't know who Geoff was, but he couldn't help but feel a strong sense of guilt with being unable to remember the feelings he reciprocated.

"Hey, honey, are you feeling alright?" Grace asked Awsten softly, sitting next to him on the couch. She handed a hot cup of honey tea to Awsten, who took a sip gingerly from the cup.

"I guess," Awsten answered, shrugging. He had made a quick friendship with Grace, as he immediately felt comfortable around her for not knowing who she was. All of these people who knew him well were strangers to him and it made him feel uncomfortable and he didn't like the attention. He especially felt bad that he didn't remember his own parents. The only thing he seemed to remember was that his name was Awsten, he was twenty-one, and that he lived in Texas. "I just... I feel really weird. And I feel really guilty."

"Guilty about what?" Grace asked, sipping her own cup of tea. "Is it about Geoff?"

"Yeah," Awsten nodded, taking another sip of the tea. The tea was hot and it burned the roof of his mouth, but he didn't mind. He frowned, thinking more on the subject. "I just... I guess I loved him a whole lot before the accident and now I don't know who he is and I just, I feel really bad I can't reciprocate the feelings."

"The doctor said that your memories will come back one day," Grace said. "But, honey, it's okay. They're your feelings and you feel what you feel, sweetie. If you don't love Geoff, that's okay. You don't really know him, baby, it's okay to not feel the same way."

"I wish I could know how it felt to be with him, you know?" Awsten sighed, setting down the cup on the coffee table. Grace quickly slid a coaster underneath the cup, leading Awsten to feel a sense of deja vu.

"Are you alright, honey?" Grace asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost just now. I know I'm pale, but I'm not paper white."

"Yeah, yeah," Awsten said, nodding slowly, staring at the coaster. "I just- I felt deja vu. Like I've seen someone slide a coaster underneath my drink before. Like it used to happen all the time."

"It did," Otto said, piping in from across the room, where he had been focusing on his competitive game of Mario Kart 8. "You used to absolutely refuse to use coasters and Geoff would always slide one under whatever drink you had put down. It made him so mad that you didn't use coasters and every time he threw a fit about it you'd roll your eyes and laugh."

"Oh," Awsten said. "I don't remember any of that."

"Is there anything you do remember?" Grace asked softly. Awsten shook his head.

"Only my name, age and that I live in Texas," Awsten answered. "I don't even know my birthday or my parents or anything! I know you told me before, I just... I can't seem to remember anything or hold anything in my head."

"Your birthday is January 17th," Otto told him once more. "It passed a few months ago."

"What year is it?" Awsten asked for what felt like the thousandth time to Otto.

"It's 2013," Otto answered again. "You and Geoff had been dating since high school. Since 2008, I think."

"Yes, since 2008," Grace nodded. "It was your sophomore year and Geoff's freshman year of college. He's three years older than you."

"And it's 2013?" Awsten asked.

"Yes."

"That means Geoff and... I... had dated for five years?" Awsten asked unsteadily. "I... Oh, my."